What Happened When You Left
by fluppy
Summary: If Bella never realized she could hear Edward...what would have happened between her and Jacob? What if Edward came back later, after she'd made up her mind? Eventual Blackwater B/J, B/E, J/L Partial lemon chap 14
1. Chapter 1

"It's over, Bella."

I couldn't breathe. This couldn't be real. He couldn't leave me surely he couldn't.

I opened my eyes to find myself in my room, in the dark, all alone. He could leave me, he had. My eyes burned. I cried myself back to sleep.

* * * * *

**Months later, Bella never heard Edwards voice...**

I lean against Jacob, staring into the flames. Around the fire are the rest of his pack, Billy, Quil Ateara, Jared's girlfriend Kim, Emily and the Clearwaters. Billy has just finished his story of the Quileute tribes ancestors, the first werewolf. One of Jacobs arms hangs loosely around my shoulder, the other is shoving a fistful of something into his mouth. Kim leans against Jared, half asleep. I gaze across the fire at Leah Clearwater, at the shine on her face where the firelight reflects her tears.

I consider my position, compare it to hers, with much less animosity and pain then I have felt in a long time.

I catch sight of her peering at Sam and Emily, blissful in each others love, hurt painfully obvious on her beautiful face. At least when _he_ left me, he left me alone, with only my memories to pain me. When Sam left her, he left her to watch him happy with his new life.

I turn my face so my cheek rests against Jacob's warm chest, and his arm tightens significantly around me. I was left with a shining sun to help me keep going. A shining sun who loves me more than I believe I can return.

I tilt my face so I can see the gleam in his dark eyes as he teases Paul, feel the rumble in his chest as he laughs at his own joke. And I feel thankful for his friendship, for his patience. I contemplate the idea of at least trying to return part of what Jacob has given me, which is by all standards a lot. A reason to live at the very least, when I could think of no purpose for me to other than the hurt it would cause my parents, and the promise I made _him_ when he left.

Jacob, the bandage for my wounded heart, holding the pieces carefully in place.

"Are you ready to leave, honey?"

His warm voice washes over my head, the endearment softly spoken.

"Mmm."

My eyes have drifted closed as I thought about him and I feel Jacob rise now, lifting me into his warm arms in a fluid motion, carrying me to his prized car, depositing me softly on the front seat.

The car rumbles to a start, comforting me, helping me ease into sleep.

* * * * *

I wake in Jacobs bed, light reflecting around his small room. The smell of bacon encroaches upon my senses. I lay quietly, sniffing the air, enjoying the aroma.

The door swings open and Jacob enters carrying a plate piled high with food, a ridiculous ruffled apron tied around his waist.

"Breakfast, Ma'am."

I laugh at the picture he presents.

"What? Do you see something funny?" He playfully stares around, looking for the source of my amusement.

"I could get used to this kind of treatment, Jake."

"I hope you do, Bells, then you'll never leave."

I lower my face to the blanket, pick idly at a loose thread.

He is immediately regretful.

"Sorry. I didn't mean..."

"It's ok, Jake."

He places the plate on a little table beside the bed. Turns back. I can feel his gaze bore into the top of my head. A flush rises in my cheeks.

"I could make you happy Bella."

"You already do."

"I mean, as a boyfriend. We could be happy together."

I sigh; continue to pull apart his bed.

"I know I'll always be second choice. I'm ok with that, really."

Finally I look up at him, wearily.

"You deserve better than that, Jake. You should be someone's number one."

"Better your number two."

He continues to gaze at me, his eyes soft.

"And you could live with that, really?"

His eyes gain an eager light, and he hops up onto the bed next to me.

"I could live with anything if it meant I had you."

"I need some time to think, Jake."

"As long as it takes, honey."

We eat the food in silence - Jacob having most of my share as well as his own - before he drives me back to Forks. He pulls his Rabbit to a stop in front of my house, turns to me one final time, grabbing my cold hands in his hot ones.

"I'll be waiting, Bella. As long as it takes." Then he surprises me with a gentle press of his lips on mine.

It doesn't have the heat and passion of my kisses with _him_, but it feels nice, like arriving somewhere safe and warm.

I stumble out of the door to his muffled chuckle. My clumsiness frustrates me, and I stalk up the drive to the door before half turning to watch him slowly drive away.

I creep in quietly, but I needn't have bothered, Charlie has obviously gone fishing again. I head straight upstairs, quickly brush my teeth and change into a pair of baggy track pants and a tee, before throwing myself over my bed, remembering.

I allow the tears to trickle down my cheeks as I force myself painfully through the memories of nights with _him_; laying next to me, resting my head on his cold, marble-like chest. How different it would be to fall asleep next to Jacob, his searing heat, his soft skin. I remember the nights after I first met _him_, tossing and turning, fitful dreams, later finding out he had been watching over me as I slept.

I want so badly to stop feeling, stop hurting, to be able to give Jacob what he deserves, without anything else getting in the way. Making decisions has always been the hardest part for me.

I struggle with myself for a while longer, unsure of the right thing to do, eventually conclude with a desire to make everyone happy. Hopefully it will lead to my happiness too. With my choice made I can relax, and I fall back to sleep, still fully clothed, worn out from my misery.

* * * * *

Unfortunately, falling asleep in the middle of the day means waking up at an ungodly hour of the morning. I roll over squinting through the dark at my alarm clock; four am. Too early to call Jacob. To early to do anything.

I slide out of bed, sighing in frustration at my lack of options, and turn my computer on. While I wait for it to slowly load up, I change into jeans and a clean top, brush my teeth and hair. I return to my computer, which has finally loaded, and sift through my pile of emails. Mom, Mom, Angela, Mom. The usual. I reply quickly to them all, delete all the junk. Right at the bottom; Alice Cullen. I almost crash my computer in my eagerness to open the email, clicking on it repeatedly.

_Bella,_

_I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. I'll miss you._

_Alice__._

I re-read the lines time and again, searching for any possible hidden meaning, looking for the feeling behind the words. In the end I am forced to accept they are exactly as they appear; a final goodbye from my friend. In some ways I'm glad, it helps to reinforce the decision I have made, the certainty that they are gone and that I have to make myself move on to some degree. Just in case I reply, zipping out of the screen quickly to find a failed posting message. The Cullens are nothing if not thorough,

I turn my computer off, cross to my curtains, and pull them aside. Finally, light. Grabbing my coat and my keys, I head down the stairs, passing through the kitchen to snatch a breakfast bar, and then creep out to my car.

Once inside I slump against my chair, butterflies invading my stomach, wondering if I am doing the right thing. I know no matter what _he_ would always be in the back of my mind, and I can't help but wonder if giving the half of me that was alright away would be enough to satisfy Jacob in the end.

I steel myself, determined that I would always make him feel like it was enough, turning the key in the ignition with more force than is technically necessary. The drive to La Push seemed a lot longer and definitely lonelier than it ever had before.

* * * * *

My truck rumbled to a noisy halt in front of the Blacks home. I barely had time to open my door before Jacob was loping over, looking exhausted but elated.

"Bella! Didn't think I'd have the pleasure of seeing you again so soon."

Screwing up whatever fragment of courage I had left, I took a deep breath...and stumbled out the door. Again. So much for my big gesture.

Jacobs muscular arms wrapped around me before I could fall face first in the mud, warm and comforting. All I had to do was tilt my face up to his and kiss him, softly, on the only place I could reach. The hollow of his throat.

I felt him stiffen, saw hope warring with disbelief in his gaze.

"Bella?"

Unable to actually answer him like a normal person, I took another breath and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling his very willing face towards mine, brushing my lips against his.

He responded with a heat and passion that melted my legs, covering my mouth with his, pulling me in so tightly my breath whooshed out. He forced my lips apart with his tongue, touching it to my own.

My tears mingled with the kiss, and he pulled away from me reluctantly.

"Are you sure, Bells?"

"As sure as I'll ever be, Jake." I tried to hide my melancholy, but he knew me so well.

"Let's take things really slowly. How about a date? Movies tonight? Something gory and pathetic."

I nod, still trying to check the flow of dampness pouring down my face.

His dark eyes grew determined as he took my hands into his.

"I'll make you happy, Bella, I promise I will."


	2. Chapter 2

The drive to Port Angeles seemed extraordinarily long; neither of us spoke. What would I say now? I love you, Jake? I don't like to lie. And I guess he was quiet to give me my space. So...silence.

We pulled up right near the movie theatre, and ducked in just in time to catch a B rated zombie movie full of blood and guts. As we took our seats, Jacob opened his mouth for the first time since his hello to me earlier.

"This should be good." He smirked. I couldn't help but smile. We both knew what to expect, and it certainly wasn't top ratings. The lights dimmed, and to my surprise I found myself very aware of Jacob's presence. The heat radiating off his skin, his huge frame. My belly did little flips at the nearness of him, and when he reached through the darkness to pull my hand into his, I didn't hesitate.

We sat like that for the duration, hand in hand, laughing at the ridiculous plot and characters. Some part of me acknowledged the difference in feeling; I didn't feel so overwhelmed with Jacob; but I felt nice. Comfortable. Safe.

Just as the final victim was taken by the zombies, Jacob leaned over to me, cupping my jaw in his hand. My heart sped up triple time, though I couldn't say whether it was excitement or nerves, as he leaned in, pressing his warm lips softly on mine. There was no explosion of desperate passion, just a tingle of nerve endings and a _need_ for more, so I moved my lips slightly under his.

That was all the confirmation he needed to slide his hand around into my hair, pull my face closer to his, and kiss me with a dedication that left me breathless. His warm breath overwhelmed me; his mouth so insistent upon mine forced my lips open so he could explore my mouth with his tongue. If it wasn't for the room lightening I think he might have taken me right there in the cinema.

I tried not to giggle, but I did just that and blushed, beet red, as the other viewers rose to leave and every one of them glanced our way. A group of girls, around Jakes age, glared at me and threw him appreciative glances that he was too busy to notice, calming himself down as he was.

I took a fresh look at him, trying to see him from their perspective.

He was huge, in every way. Well over six feet, muscles straining the thin material of his black tee, which hugged his chest, like a second skin. His hair was shaggy, tumbling into his eyes in some places. Dangerous looking, and very sexy. And mine.


	3. Chapter 3

**Bella's POV**

Jacob and I chat all night after we get back to his place. He regales me with funny stories of him, Quil and Embry growing up and I...well, I listen. Attentively. Occasionally he reaches out to touch my face, or softly brush my hair back, tentatively as though surprised that I am still here. I'm kind of surprised myself. But then...he is my own personal sun, my warmth and light through my darkest time, whatever it costs me, I won't be going anywhere.

**Jacob's POV**

Every time I put my fingers to her hair or her face, they tingle. I can't stop staring at her, disbelief coloring my every movement. When I'd asked her to be my girlfriend, I had done so with a high level of doubt for her agreement. I know how she feels about that stupid leech, ridiculous as it is. So when she came to me, I expected arguments about how she didn't want to ruin our friendship, how she loved me but not in that way. I expected that I would have to keep fighting. Not a kiss, definitely not that. As I think all this I chatter on randomly about anything I can think of, anything that will keep her from leaving - I still worry that she'll go home and realize she's made a huge mistake.

Gradually her smile falters, her eyes begin to droop, and I allow myself a moment of triumph at the knowledge she'll have to stay here another night before I lift her protesting body into my arms.

"Put me down Jake." She murmurs groggily. In response I press a kiss to her forehead, marveling again that she accepted me, and walk slowly to my room, lay her softly on my bed and cover her with a blanket. I sit on the end of my bed watching her sleep for a while, her pale heart face peaceful in rest. One strand of hair has fallen over her eyes, and lifts slightly with every exhaled breath. I catch it on an upswing, tuck it behind her ear. Gratefulness wars with disgust at the idiot leech for leaving her. I can see the continued pain etched in every frozen muscle; even in sleep she has no true release. I quietly determine again that I will make her happy, before I follow though on my duty to my pack; tonight's patrol. Bring 'em on, I'd love nothing better than a bloodsucker I could rip to shreds, preferably one with the ability to read minds.

**Bella's POV**

"No! No, don't go!" I chase after Edward, always just an arm span away as he stalks through the green trees. "Stay with me, please!"

Finally he turns back to me, catches me in his arms.

"I'm here Bella. I'm here honey."

But it's not his voice. It's Jacob's.

I open my eyes, see his concerned face gazing down on me and roll away from him to face the wall, not wanting to do him the injustice of seeing me cry for _him_, wipe furiously at my face.

"It's ok, honey. I understand." One huge warm hand circles my cheek, pulling my eyes back to his. "I don't mind, Bell." Another tear spills down my cheek, for me, for his lie; his dark eyes are raw with the pain, yet still he holds me close, allowing me my grief.

"I..." I can't say the words to him; 'I don't know if I can do this'. I don't want to hurt him more, instead I pull his head down to mine, kiss him passionately, desperately hoping that I can burn away my misery.

He pulls away from me, placing his hands on my face.

"You don't have to do that Bella, really." I can't tell if the fire in his eyes is more pain, or something else, but I hate myself more just the same. He presses a soft kiss to my temple, and wipes away my tears.

"I will love you anyway, go back to sleep honey." Only now I notice that he is covered in leaves. I shoot upright.

"Where have you been?" Fear overtakes me, fear that has nothing to do with _him_.

My Jacob rolls his eyes. "Where do you think? Sam had me running patrol."

"Oh." Man, do I feel like an ass. Of course.

He smirks at the embarrassment on my face. "Were you worried about me, Bella?"

"Psshh. Course not. It was my dream." I duck my head, but not before I catch sight of his infuriatingly knowing smile.

"Uh-huh."

I roll back over, scowling. It's amazing how fast I fall back to sleep with the sound of his quiet laughter soothing me.


	4. Chapter 4

"Morning sunshine!" I blink rapidly against the brightness burning my eyes.

"Why are you so happy, Jake? It feels like five am!"

"Pssh. Not even close. It's almost lunchtime. Besides, I'm always happy when you're around."

I turn my face to hide my blush.

"C'mon lazy, I have something great planned for today!" I groan again and roll over.

"Too early." I mumble through the blanket. The blanket that is very quickly ripped off me. I squeal in irritation.

"Jacob!"

"I told you Bells, I have something planned. Time to get up."

I huff, and roll back over. "Fine, but you owe me Jacob Black." I notice his eyes are definitely focused lower than they should be.

"I owe you more than you think." He smirks. Seems _somehow_ my pants have disappeared while I was asleep, so while my top half is appropriately covered by a long sleeved shirt, below the waist is nothing but panties.

"Give me that blanket!" I yelp to his amusement. He draws it up painfully slowly and I feel my blush spread almost all the way to my toes.

"You are a pervert."

He continues to smile as I pull the blanket over the remainder of my exposed self.

"There's nothing perverted about the human body, Bella."

"Grr! Get out and let me get dressed!" He does so, his laughter floating back down the hallway to me.

What is the most interesting to me is that although I almost dropped dead with _embarrassment_, I wasn't _upset_ by it. I continue to wonder about this as I pull on my pants and stumble down the hallway to the kitchen to find Jacob setting out a romantic meal of...cereal. Nice.

I raise an eyebrow at the bowls he has carefully laid out.

"You shouldn't have."

He looks a little abashed as he glances at me. "Sorry it's not something more interesting, like croissants or something..." he shrugs, spreading his hands.

I smile as I sink into the nearest chair. "This is great, Jake. Really." The skin on the back of his neck turns a more pronounced russet as he continues to search the fridge for the milk carton.

"Ah-ha!" He spins around, proudly holding his prize. "Finally!" He makes a show of pouring milk into both of our bowls, and I laugh, feeling like a little kid.

We eat in a companionable silence. I suppose I could try to start some sort of conversation, but Jacob attacks his food like some kind of starving animal, and I think it's best if I don't interrupt. When we finish, I wash the bowls to much argument about how I am a guest, and he'll do that. Funnily though, in the time he complains about it, I'm done.

"So what do you have planned, then?"

He waggles his eyebrows in my direction. "Don't worry, you'll love it." Any time someone says 'don't worry' it's like setting off an alarm, so now I am terrified about what he has up his sleeve.

"It's not anything...physical, is it?" He snickers as he looks me up and down.

"Maybe we should see what _you_ have planned, hey?"

I grab my coat, blushing yet again, and head for the door. "Definitely _not_ that, Jacob Black. Drag your mind out of the gutter."

He follows me out, chuckling to himself.

* * * * *

Jacob pulls his rabbit up close to the lower edge of the cliff and kills the engine.

"Ah, I did ask you if it was something physical, didn't I?" I manage to choke out.

"You did. It doesn't count if I don't answer though."

Oh, crap.

"So, ah, what are we doing?"

He grins evilly at me.

"Cliff jumping. A favorite La Push pastime."

"Oh, no. No way. Not me."

"C'mon, Bells. It's not as bad as it seems."

"Not for the big bad wolf, anyway." I cross my arms over my chest. "Not happening, Jacob."

He rolls his eyes at me. "I'll look after you."

"I'll watch."

"Fine." He turns away from me and pulls off his shirt, the muscles in his back rippling. I can't help but admire the view.

"Are you sure?" He turns back to me, holding out his hand.

"Absolutely. Unlike you crazy Quileute boys, I value my life."

He laughs; loudly, a free and happy sound. "We value our lives. They're just a lot harder to lose than yours."

"Exactly." I spread my arms. "Go ahead."

He takes a step toward the edge before turning and striding back over to me, pulling me into his arms, and kissing me; hot and hard and passionate. I respond with a heat and desire of my own. He lifts me easily, so my face hovers over his, and I have to lower my mouth to kiss him again. We're at the cliff edge before I realize what he's up to.

"Jacob!" I scream. "I said no!"

"Too late, Bella." He murmurs, pressing his lips back to mine, before taking one more step out into nothingness.

I cling to his bare chest as the wind whips past us, screaming in his ear. It_ is_ amazing though, feeling like there is only two of us in existence, floating along together.

Until the shock of the ice cold water.

My scream is cut short as my breath whooshes out and my lungs freeze. I can barely breathe, and I almost panic. The only thing that keeps me sane is Jacob's warm arm around my waist, his other swimming us back to the shore.

He tosses me lightly onto the sand, my breathing coming in desperate rasps as I claw the ground, relieved even at the loose texture of it.

"I...will...get...you...for...t-t-that." I chatter.

"Hey, you have to admit that was great fun, right."

I glare at him and rise unsteadily to my feet.

"That." I hit his arm. "Was." Another punch. "Not." A third. "Fun."

He just snickers. "That didn't hurt."

"GRR! Why d-do you have t-to be s-so irrit-tating!"

The laughter dies in his eyes to be replaced by concern.

"Bella, are you cold?" He puts his hot hand on the sleeve of my wet shirt.

"O-of c-course I a-am, f-fool."

"I'll warm you up." I'm left open mouthed as he quickly whips off my soaking top and tears off my jeans leaving me shivering in my underwear.

"Oh, c-cause t-that's s-so m-m-much better!"

"Easy does it, I'm getting there."

His warm arms slide around my bare skin, drawing me in tight to his hot body.

"Better?" He whispers in my ear.

"N-No." It is, really, but I refuse to do him any favors.

"How about now." He runs his lips along my jaw line.

"Nuh-uh." I can feel his mouth curve in a smile.

"Now?" He nibbles softly on my ear.

"Mmm...no."

"Well, time for the big guns then." He murmurs. "How about now?"

His lips capture mine, and my blood boils. I return the kiss avidly, almost leaping into his arms in my desire for him.

He pulls away much faster than I would like.

"There. Now you're warm." He takes a long look at my body. "But far too revealed for anyone other than me." He scoops me up, carrying me in a small ball, clutched to his chest.

"Time to go."

He runs back up to his car.

Neither of us notices that someone stares at us from the trees.


	5. Chapter 5

The fire crackles, sending blue sparks into the air.

"I'll never get over how stunning driftwood fires are." I know I'm talking to no-one, because everyone else is so loud, but it doesn't bother me, I mean it more for myself any way.

"Yeah, neither will I." Jacob's warm breath tickles at my ear as he draws his arms tighter around me. "You are still much more beautiful, though." I am glad for the darkness; it hides the red covering my face.

"Aw, can't you two ever give it up?" Paul rolls his eyes at us, to the snickers of Jared and Embry. In response, Jacob easily pulls me further into his lap, running kisses along my neck.

"Ew!" Seth, one of the wolves that have yet to imprint, adds his vote to the conversation. Jacob, in his typical way, grins and continues. My face warms up even more.

"Jake!" I hiss. "Quit it!"

"Yes." Leah throws in blandly. "Please quit. You're making me sick." I peek at her from lowered lashes as Jacob huffs, but gives up. She stares into the fire, seemingly disinterested in everything and everyone around her. Except me and Jake of course. She has made her view on that clear. I wonder idly what her problem is and find myself again amazed at how tuned in Jacob seems to be to me, or maybe just how perceptive.

"She's still miserable over Sam. Just ignore her - bitter harpy."

"I heard that, Jacob." She growls in our direction. He laughs at her.

"Nothing I haven't thought a million times before, _Lee_."

Her only answer to that is a scowl.

I watch her for a while, playing with scattered twigs and still staring into the flames. She shoves her hand into the flames, and I gasp and jump, to which she smirks.

"It doesn't hurt her, Bells, it's ok. She's doing it to bug you."

Seems Jacobs's right. She catches my eye and wiggles her hand around. This time when I don't react, she just sighs and pulls her hand out, glares down at it as the burns rapidly heal.

I almost feel sorry for her. Almost. Until she jumps up from the ground, transfers her glare to me and says;

"I'm outta here. Seems to me like leech smell takes an awfully long time to wash off."

Jacob hisses in my ear and moves to stand, but Sam beats him to the punch.

"Lee-lee!"

"Screw you, Sam. Do you think I wanna _be_ here? It's only because of _her_ that you forced me along."

Everyone around the fire is staring between me and Leah now, and again my face turns a very deep shade of scarlet. Again.

"Leah, enough." Sam rises to his feet and crosses to stand near her. It surprises me to see they are eye to eye.

"You gave up the right to tell me what to do when you met _Emily_, Sam."  
I could feel the collective flinch. I knew the story, but I had no idea she would be quite as bitter about it as it appeared she was.

"Lee." Sam continued quietly.

"And STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Leah phased, and Jacob finally stood, dumping me off his lap, and throwing me behind him at the same time; but I saw around his massive body, that again Sam had been quicker; he'd phased too and was standing between the huge wolf that was Leah and the rest of the pack.

Reflected in the firelight the grey wolfs enormous dark eyes shine with anger and pain, and as I watch as a fist sized tear wells and falls to the ground. She looks my way one final time, her agony searing through me, then spins around and races away into the trees, Sam following at a much more sedate pace.

"I guess the party's over then." Embry jokes in a vain attempt to lighten the atmosphere.

I don't know whether anyone actually responded because at that point Jacob proceeds to drag me off like a sack of potatoes, my clumsy feet stumbling everywhere with the speed which he is walking away at.

"Jake! Jacob Black, stop right there!"

His rapid response to my demand finds me flat on my backside on the ground.

"What?"

I growl up at him from where I have landed. There must have been something funny in my situation because his face went from furious to amusement in a split second.

"Here, honey, let me help you." He chuckles to himself as he pulls me up. "What's wrong?"

"What did Leah mean by she was only there because of me?"

The scowl returned.

"Nothing."

"I know it wasn't nothing; now what is it?"

"I think I should take you home, Bells. It is a school night after all, and I know how much you love school."

I stamp my foot in frustration at his evasiveness which serves no purpose other than to make him laugh again.

"You're so cute when you're mad." He runs his warm fingers slowly over the back of my neck. "I really like it when you're all fired up like that, all hot...."

I can't think for a while because his kisses send me crazy, _on fire_ being the perfect phrase. By the time he pulls away, I am doubled over trying to catch my breath, and disappointed he has stopped. My sidelong glance must have given me away because he snickers, and turns to open the door to my truck.

"I'll drive. You seem a bit...disturbed."

And then my stomach takes a turn, reminded of another time I was too 'disturbed' to drive myself for the exact same reason. The trip back to my place is very quiet, with Jacob throwing me concerned glances the whole way.

His kiss goodnight at my door was touched with worry, and mine with agony, but still we said nothing and he ran into the trees to phase. I watched the russet wolf through the darkness, wondering why it was I couldn't fully let go.


	6. Chapter 6

I don't visit Jacob the next day, and the hole in my chest made the most of the time away from my sun, ripping open again, the edges slightly less ragged than they were months ago, but painful none the less.

I stumble around the school corridors blindly, bumping into people, lockers, garbage cans, followed by the sound of laughter at my terminal clumsiness. Even English, one of my favorite subjects, passes in a shade of the same kind of numbness it did in the first few months after _he_ left.

It's a shock to understand how much I have come to rely on Jacob, how much I have actually begun to care for him. Not in the same way, no, because that was more than any human, or wolf, would ever be able to feel, or at least I think so; but certainly my feelings for him are stronger than I imagined. One day and I miss him dreadfully. I almost decide to drive down and visit him after school, for my own selfish reasons, but I manage to go straight home and wallow in my own self pity, while sitting by the phone, just in case Jacob decides to call.

It's not until I head upstairs, finally, to go to throw on my PJ's and go to bed I notice things missing. My favorite shirt, one of my pillows. I assume Charlie has decided to tidy up, strange as it is for him to even enter my room, and I think no more of it, dropping onto my bed and falling quickly into a light, dreamless sleep.

* * * * *

The loud roar of a motorbike wakes me early the next morning, and I bolt upright, terrified at how Charlie will react, until I remember it's Saturday, and he has gone fishing, just as he does every Saturday.

I peer out my bedroom window at Jacob, who is dropping the kickstand on his bike; one of those silly things I considered in my darkest hour, but never had the guts to go through with once Jacob had actually managed to fix them.

As I watch him, his face registers surprise, and then anger, before he stalks to my door, pounding on it.

I fling myself down the stairs, relieved and curious and guilty, certain that he is still angry at me for the feelings I still can't get full control over.

I throw the door open, smiling widely, trying to make up for the way I was the other night, but he continues to stand there, unmoving, except for the flaring of his nostrils.

Finally he glares at me accusingly. "Is he back, then?"

I know exactly who he means, and my chest halts, allowing none of the desperate breaths of air in that I attempt to take to calm myself.

"No." I choke out.

"Oh." He looks at me in surprise, which rapidly shifts to fright, then determination. "Huh. Well then who..." His voice trails off.

It takes me a moment before I realize what he means, that he can smell something that has been here. Or should I say someone. My heart kicks its pace higher, though in fear or hope, I can't tell.

Jacob pushes past me through the doorway, following his nose to up the stairs to my room while I trail behind, worried and confused.

"Yeah..." He finally says after pacing the perimeter of my room three times. "It's not him. It's no one I recognize."

No more for the hope team then, the point goes to fear.

"Hmm."

"My pillow is missing." I mumble, half hoping he doesn't hear me, because I know Jacob, at the same time I know I have to say _something_.

He reacts precisely the way I expect him to. His eyes narrow, his forehead creases and his fists ball at his side.

"Oh?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm sure it's nothing, though, just Charlie tidying up."

He snorts derisively. "Yeah, and Dad's gonna leap up out of his wheelchair, singing halleluiah and dance around our house."

I begin to giggle, but it is more panic than true amusement.

"This could be a problem, Bells. You're coming with me; I have to speak to Sam."

Ah, my day just picked up. I can imagine nothing better than being with Jake; except for that I will be with a Jake whose face looks like he's been sucking on lemons and following them with up vinegar chasers.

And who rode here on a huge motorbike.

One of his warm arms clips around my waist, and I feel myself propelled out of my bedroom door, still in the things I wore to bed.

"Jake! I have to change!"

For a moment the fanatical light in his eyes changes to something normal; heat.

"I like you just the way you are..." I cross my arms over my chest, trying to hide the tears in my shirt. "But I can stay and keep an eye on you while you change if you like." A broad grin spreads across his face and the heat deepens until his eyes are like black fire.

"Ah...just let me grab my coat before we leave."

His laughter rings out around my house as he pulls me along faster.


	7. Chapter 7

"I'm telling you Sam, I smelt it. Do you think I'm losing it or something?"

"No. Of course not. But don't you think..." Sam glances sidelong in my direction. "You are a little...over protective in this case?"

Jacob growls at Sam, and I can't help but step back. The last thing I want is to be in the middle of a fight between two massive wolves...Emily's scarred face bursts unbidden into my mind.

Sam sighs. "Ok, Jake, I'll give. Paul and Jared can go and check it out."

"Paul?!" Jacob's voice jumps up and octave. "Moron extraordinaire?"

"Jacob."

"C'mon, Sam. Embry, Quil and I can check it out."

"No."

"Why not?"

Sam takes a deep breath, like he is preparing to explain something to a child. "Because you are too closely involved, which means so are Embry and Quil. We need someone impartial."

I place my hand on Jacob's arm, nervous at the shiver of skin I can feel, but sure in this case Sam is actually right.

Jacob's eyes flicker to mine, anger and love fighting for dominance. "Fine." The muscles under my hands cease flex, but the skin ceases its movement.

I release the breath I hadn't even realized I was holding.

"Now." He spits at Sam, before grabbing my hand and stalking away. As usual, my exit is less than graceful, I trip over everything.

* * * * *

I sneak glances at Jacob every few minutes, but he remains unchanged; completely still, his arms crossed over his bare chest, frowning at some far away thought, but listening closely for any sound. I could see how he would be frightening to some people, huge as he is, but to me....he was just the sun, albeit currently behind a cloud.

Jacob shifts abruptly, and I hear the faint sound of a wolf's cry. Jacob streaks out the door, tugging his pants off as he goes, leaving me open mouthed; on the verge of wondering what it might be they have to say.

Forty five minutes later he returns, his shaggy hair bedraggled and sopping from the rain that has just begun to bucket down.

His face could rival the clouds for darkness.

"What?"

"They found it. Paul recognized the scent. Not a Cullen, "my chest twisted, although he didn't notice, "but someone who was here last summer."

A shiver slipped down my spine. It couldn't be James; _he'd _taken care of that. So, Victoria then? Laurent had gone to Denali, unwilling to join the game of 'hunt Bella', so not him, surely. But in my room? Why?

"They seem to think whoever it was is...hunting."

Again? I gulp audibly.

"You're not going home. Not until we've caught the leech."

"What about Charlie?" Déjà vu sweeps over me. Like the last time, my Dad was in the crosshairs...

"Quil's on that. He's keeping an eye on him. The rest of us will be following the trail." Jacob's mouth quirks up at the corners. "Quil's not impressed."

"I'm sure." I say dryly. "Who _would_ want to miss out on a piece of the action?"

"Exactly." He nods, allowing my sarcasm to drift right over his head. "Now, stay here, you can have my bed. Call Charlie; let him know you won't be coming home. It's time for the fun to begin."

He steps towards the door, then spins around crossing to me in two massive steps. My tiny frame is crushed against his hot skin, my hands span the muscles of his chest, and he blinds me with a passionate kiss, all tongue and mouth.

He laughs at me when he breaks away. I am doubled over, hands on my knees, trying to recapture my ability to breathe.

"That good, huh?"

"Psh. Go and do your job." I pant, glaring up at him, then grin, hopefully it comes off as mischievously as I plan. "Next time I don't want an interruption."

Fire flares in his black eyes. He takes one step towards me, but I wave him away. "Go, Jake. I'll be here when you get back."

He runs. I like to believe my attraction is so much it's the only way he can leave.

* * * * *

Four hours later and still no sign of Jacob. I know I worry too much, but still...werewolves just can't be strong enough, despite all their stories, and what if something has happened to my Jacob, my sun? I think it would kill me, I truly do. I give him another hour before I decide to take matters into my own hands, conveniently ignoring his request that I stay right where I am.

It doesn't take me long before I am completely lost in the never ending green of the trees, calling quietly for Jacob.

The echoing silence is painful, and depressing. I keep walking and see the same particular tree I have seen ten times already. I only know it's the same one from the faint carvings scratched into it years ago, now covered slightly in a green shadow.

As the light grows fainter and fainter, I become more frightened, call for Jacob a little louder.

Still, the silence crushes in around me, tightening my lungs, again opening the now smaller hole in my chest.

A faint crunching sound behind me has me whipping around in relief. Finally, it seems, he has found me.

A figure emerges from the trees, not Jacob, but still familiar, my relief remains, even as it is colored by surprise.

"Laurent!" This is a...shock."

The figure freezes, in a way that only a vampire can, completely still, like a statue.

"Bella."

There is no question in the way he says my name, no surprise. Only a faint underlying...something. I can't pin down exactly what it is.

"I thought you were in Denali."

"I was." The strange inflection remains in his tone.

"Then, why..."

"Victoria." He states at the same time I notice the crimson gleam of his eyes through the dim light. I gulp audibly.

"Victoria, huh?" I choke out.

He raises one eyebrow, a corner of his lip twitching.

"Come now, Bella. Surely you knew. Your _friends_ have been doing an astonishing job of keeping you safe."

Leah's words from the other night make sense, although I wonder whether they were as aware as Laurent seemed to think.

"But not now." He steps forward slowly, at the same time I retreat, predictably tripping over a raised tree root.

I fall, landing on my backside on the ground.  
"Oh, they're around." I try for bravado, giving myself away by peering hopefully through the trees.

"I'm sure." He steps closer, deliberately and slowly, drawing out my fear.

I whimper, I can't help it. I'm terrified, and I can't hide it.

Laurent's mouth curves wider. "There's nothing to be frightened of. I am generally very...well mannered in my eating habits. And I just can't wait for Victoria. You're scent is too tempting."

I moan again. To my shock and relief, quickly followed by another wave of intense fear, a russet wolf breaks through the trees, stalking angrily in my direction. Jacob. He snarls in Laurent's direction, whilst peering questioningly at me, still seated on the damp leaves.

Laurent smirks. "Just the one? That's not really a challenge, now, is it?"

The russet wolf snorts, and two more wolves emerge. A monstrous black and a small light grey. The grey one glares at me, then takes her place beside the others. Leah.

Laurent steps back quickly, and I find wolves to be as fast as vampires; Leah is behind him before I can blink, herding him back towards the other two, who are both growling in what I can only describe as anticipation. Another wolf howls somewhere in the distance.

"Well," Laurent seems considerably less sure of himself as Sam and Jacob close in. "Surely we can _talk_ about this."

With a blinding movement and an ear piercing shriek, Jacob has one of Laurent's arms in his mouth, still snarling at the rest of him.

Laurent wobbles, unbalanced by his missing arm, in that moment of uncertainty; Leah removes the other, spitting it out delicately with a look of sheer distaste, and another glare in my direction. It seems she is disgusted at what she is forced to do for my safety. Another wolf emerges from the trees, a darker grey, and the black one, Sam, rolls a growl in Jacob's direction.

Jacob saunters to me, nudging me with his muzzle, pushing me away from the others. I scuttle back slightly, then pick myself up, leaning against his fur for support. Once the others are out of sight, he backs away slightly, phasing and dressing quickly as I stand shivering with cold and shock.

"Let me take you home, Bella." I lean into his warm body as he encircles me with his arm. Already I feel much more secure, now that I am again in the light of my sunshine.


	8. Chapter 8

"Are you ok, honey?" Jacob asks as he rests me on the sofa. "I can get you something; water, something to eat."

"I'm fine, Jake. Really."

"Didn't it _bother_ you, watching me rip an arm off that..." he growls, low in his throat. "_Thing_ that was gonna kill you?"

"Of course it _bothered_ me." He nods smugly. "I was worried you might get hurt."

He rolls his eyes. "Huh, as if one weak little vampire is going to be able to do anything. Giant sharp toothed wolf, remember?"

"Yeah." I shudder. "I remember."

"I just wonder what he was doing wandering around here, it's not like he wouldn't have been able to smell us as well..."

He trails off thoughtfully, and I lower my gaze, worried I might show some sign of what I know on my face.

"Doesn't make _sense_..."

He paces the small living room for a bit.

"Do you think they were looking for the C...I mean, friends of theirs?"

I murmur something unintelligible.

"No, because why would they come _here_, it's not like there would be any lingering scent or anything, not in La Push." His eyes focus on something in the distance. "Gotta figure out..."

"It's me, ok?"

"What are you talking about, Bells?"

"They're after me."

"They? Seriously Bella, you must be going mad. There _was_ only _one_, past tense."

"No, there's another. Victoria."

He stares at me, confused. "But we could only smell the one."

"Maybe. But she's around."

"Hold on, back up here. The one we got isn't it? It's not over?"

"No."

"Well, do you even know what this is all about, why they're after you?"

I rubbed the cold crescent scar on my wrist, the only physical sign remaining of the night _he_ saved me.

"Yes." I whisper so quietly that even with his wolf hearing he has to strain to hear me.

"Well?"

"You remember when I went to Phoenix, was in that hospital...that was her mate. Edward," I choked slightly on the name, pain hovering around the edges of my chest. "He killed him. My guess; revenge. And seeing as there's only me left..."

"She's after you." Jacobs's expression is one of absolute horror.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Gotta tell Sam, can't leave you..." He begins mumbling half to himself again.

I stare out the window, imagining I could see flame bright hair behind every rock and tree.

* * * * *

Sam's eyes bore into mine, questioning, unforgiving. "You're certain it's you she's after."

"Absolutely."

Jared murmurs something I can't hear, and Jacob growls, practically throwing himself at him.

"Stop it!" Sam commands.

Jake desists, still snarling quietly.

"Well, this changes things considerably, now we know what's out there, and what she's here for."

I nod, feeling entirely detached. Another vampire wants to kill me, where's the news in that? It shouldn't even frighten me any more. But it does.

I sit in utter silence as the pack makes their plans. Again, Leah glares at me contemptuously. Well, me and Sam. I use the time to wonder what her problem with me is.

* * * * *

I don't have to wonder for long. Once the boys (because I can't think of them as _men_ - well, with the exception of Sam of course), have made there plans and start goofing around, Leah sidles over to where I remain seated.

"I don't like you."

Wow, friendly much?

"OK."

"It's bad enough that I am stuck with this pack of idiots," her malevolent glare passes over each one in turn, lingering on Sam. "But now I have to help protect a human stupid enough to run into the arms of the most dangerous creatures there are?"

I wait for her to continue.

"And Jake, fool that he is, imagines himself in love with you. We all know what would happen if your leech returned." She turned her burning dark gaze on me. "You don't deserve him, you know."

"I know." I state it simply, I entirely agree. Her eyes register her surprise.

"Well why are you still here, then?"

"Because...I don't deserve him, but I can't live without him."

She snorts. "So selfish, through and through. You really are a bitch." She gets up and leaves me sitting open mouthed in her wake.

But I still don't disagree.

* * * * *

"So what did Leah want?"

"Nothing much." I try to hide the misery but it is clearly evident in my voice.

"Ignore her, Bells." His arms wrap tightly around me, crushing. "She's just a jealous, bitter harpy."

"Maybe." I pant "Can't...breathe...Jake."

His arms relax but he doesn't release his hold. "You know I love you, right Bella?" His voice takes on an even more husky tone than normal.

"Yes." I murmur.

He steps back slightly, looking down on me hopefully.

"Maybe one day..."

"I hope so Jake."

He pulls me back to him again.

"That will have to be good enough for now. But I will bring you around, one day. I promise."

I cling to my sun, hoping he's right.


	9. Chapter 9

I lay quietly in Jacob's bed, listening to his soft snores, the howling of the wolves outside. The first few nights I found it hard to sleep, and Jacob raced out the door every time one of his pack made the slightest sound. Now, we had each gotten used to the new way of things. I had missed so many days of school it seemed it would be a miracle if I graduated at the end of the semester. Amazingly, Charlie wasn't at all bothered by all the time I was spending in La Push, if anything he seemed thrilled by it.

I roll over, running my hand over Jacob's bare chest, the muscles hard under my palm. The more time I spend with Jacob, the closer I find myself and the less of any other pain I feel.

He moans, and his body turns towards me, the heat not as overwhelming as the first few times we shared a bed.

"Bells..."

"Morning Jake."

"Have we done anything yet?"

"Do you think you would forget if we did?"

A huge grin spreads across his face, even as his eyes remain closed. "Definitely not. But I seem to have some memory of something..."

I snort. "Yeah, that was probably your _dreams_."

The grin widens, impossible as it seems. "Yeah, probably. What did you wake me up for?"

"Well..."I let my hand trail down his abdomen slowly. I hear his breathing stop, and smile inwardly.

He half raises from the bed, eyes ablaze and I laugh out loud, rolling off the edge.

"I'm hungry, master chef."

He growls, a low rumbling sound, which slowly becomes a laugh as well.

"Fine." He rolls his eyes. "But you _really_ owe me. And I expect payment in coin of MY choice..."

"Candy hearts?" I giggle.

"Definitely. Hundreds of them."

He leaps up lightly, passing me and making it to the kitchen in just a few steps. I follow behind, eager to see what's to eat.

"How about...Cheerio's!"

I giggle again. "Wow, your culinary skills are astounding!!"

"I aim to please." He smirks as he places the bowl in front of me.

"What's happening today?" I grimace as I shovel in another spoonful. He frowns.

"Same old, same old."

I sigh. Another day of hiding out in the house, waiting for some sort of news from the pack.

Jacob washes our dishes in silence as I stare out the window. "Do you think this waiting will ever end?" I ask him absently.

"I kind of hope not."

He ducks his head as I stare at him in amazement. "I like being here with you, just the two of us."

I smile. "I guess I do too."

"You guess!?" He holds his hand over his heart. "She guesses! Oh, kill me now!"

I laugh.

"How about you make that up to me?"

"Oh? And how do I do that?"

In one stride he crosses the room, pulling me in tightly. "Like this." A burning mouth captures mine possessively; hot hands pull my hips closer. Warm breath infiltrates my mouth along with a soft tongue, tickling and exciting.

When he eventually pulls away my knees are shaking so badly he has to hold me up.

"Half payment. I expect the rest at a later date."

"Gee, Jacob you couldn't get any funnier."

Just as he is about to floor me with another of his amazingly witty retorts...a wolf howls, three times in succession, the signal that something serious is going on.

He is out of his pants and out the door before I can say boo.

* * * * *

Again with the waiting. I can't stand it. Faint howls, some seeming like the wolf is in pain...I wonder how long they expect me to sit here, waiting for some sort of news.

* * * * *

I wake up on Jacob's couch. Another day and still no sign of anyone. The silence deafens me. I wander into the small kitchen; fix myself another bowl of Cheerios, my stomach twisted in knots of anxiety. Even Billy's not here.

I try turning on the TV for a bit, but the sound fades away and the pictures are a blur. And still the silence continues.

I should have learnt, from the last time, but maybe I'm just a sucker for punishment. Or maybe, even after all this time, I just don't _truly_ believe that anything could happen. So I grab my coat, and walk out the front door, considering myself more sensible for heading to the beach, as opposed to the forest.

* * * * *

The chill of the driftwood seeps through the back of my coat, and I shiver. I had half thought that if I waited here, at our spot, Jacob might come back sooner. That's not the case, and I just sit here, shivering, staring out over the steely grey water alone.

A flash of red on the waves catches my attention.

I watch it, drifting on the water, floating closer to the shore, bright as a flame.

Bright as a flame...

I scramble backwards against the log, stumbling as usual, even as I understand I'm too late, she's found me.

The shocking red closes in faster than I would have thought possible. But then, I had forgotten the stories, that the 'cold ones' were just as adept in water as they were on land.

That Carlisle had swum to France.

I moan as I spin, tripping myself up, falling onto my hands on the sand and rocks. Every moment was being wasted; not that it would make any difference if it wasn't, I could never out run her. I was going to die on the beach at La Push without even a final goodbye for those I love.

Yet still I try. Human nature is always to survive, no matter how dire the circumstances, we strive for existence.

I'm still striving when I hear the odd breaking of the water, the crunch as she steps onto the beach.

She's in no rush, then.


	10. Chapter 10

I continue to stumble backwards as she closes in on me, her steps deliberate and slow, her smile wide.

"Bella, isn't it?" Her voice is much higher than I could have expected, girly and soft. "Isn't this an...unexpected pleasure?" She laughs; a throaty frightening sound.

I can't move, or speak. Like a snake charmer, she has me held in place with her voice.

She steps closer, so that I can smell her. It's not as pleasant a scent as I would have expected, as I was used to with vampires. She smells faintly of cherry flavored cough syrup, and sea water.

Her crimson eyes flicker to my upturned hands, and in a blinding movement one of her own hands shoots out, grabs my wrist.

I whimper audibly.

Her thumb traces the cold scar on my arm, even as her face hardens.

"So he almost had you, then."

I choke on a cry as she presses harder against the scar.

"And now, I will. I'll finish what he started." Her hand slips to my fingers and I scream at the same time she cracks one of them with the merest pressure.

"Let's take this slowly, shall we? I do enjoy playing with my food."

Fear and horror overwhelms me. I start to cry.

"Now, now. Don't make this any harder on yourself. That's my job." Another crack, I scream again.

"You know, I want to make this..." she almost salivates. "As painful as I possibly can. Your Edward will pay for what he did."

"He won't care." I moan.

"Oh," she laughs again, "I think he will."

My screams can probably be heard in Forks, as she breaks the remaining fingers in that hand.

"What next..." her hands flutter over my face. "Too soon." Cling gently at my throat. "Mmm. You do smell...delicious."

"Maybe the other hand for now."

I whimper again, just as an enormous shape leaps past me, tackles her to the ground. She laughs as she flings the pale grey wolf off her.

"Alone, puppy? Well, I'm not that silly."

Two other vampires emerge from the edge of the trees reaching her side in a blur. A young, dark haired girl and a boy only slightly older.

"Bree, Riley. You two take care of the animal. I have more important things to attend to."

She grabs the arm I haven't curled into my chest and pulls, tearing my shoulder out of the socket. My scream dies in my throat, the pain too much to manage any noise.

She drags me along by my ruined arm, into the trees where the others emerged from.

"I would be smart, take you the ocean way, but you'd probably drown, and then what would I do?"

Behind us I hear a sharp whine as the wolf's teeth find purchase, tear something away. Victoria doesn't pause, clearly her 'friends' count for little.

It's a long painful while before I understand where she is taking me. Towards my home. I try to pull away, even as the pain becomes so intense I see black spots, but it makes no difference, her grip remains just as tight.

"A fitting place to end things." She giggles as she stops on the trail, just within sight of my house.

I look around, the place remarkably familiar, even through my fear and agony opening another wound, the one in my chest.

Though why she would even know about this place...

Her red eyes gaze down at me, curious and deranged.

"I'm sure you're wondering 'why' and 'how'. Did you think I would not have begun to hunt you from the minute I realized James was dead? I did consider going straight for the source, but where is the fun in that? You would forget him, eventually, marry someone else. Be happy. But if I kill _you_," she bares all her teeth in a feral grin. "He will suffer for eternity."

"No he won't. He left me."

She laughs again. "I know that, silly girl. He left you right here. As I said; fitting."

My knees tremble under me. A low growling surrounds me, and I pray for a speedy end, and that Charlie isn't the one to find my body. I close my eyes, refusing to watch the end of my life, and wait.

The growling continues, growing louder, but still, nothing. I open my eyes a crack, see Victoria backing away.

It's then I understand the growling is not coming from her. It's coming from the two biggest wolves. The black and the russet. Sam and Jacob.

My sun, rescuing me again.

I fall to the ground as they close in on her, and blackness overtakes me as I feel the full extent of the pain.

* * * * *

I wake with a blinding light in my eyes, my bed surrounded by people, all too big to fit.

Against the far wall stands a stunning girl, arms crossed, face blank. Leah.

"Bella! Oh, Bella honey, you're finally awake!" Jakes face hovers inches over mine, blocking my view.

"'Course I am. You didn't think I was going to die?" My voice sounds weak, even to me."

"You? Bella Swan? Never." But his eyes give him away, the barely concealed fear.

"Ok, guys, we can leave them to it." Shapes move around me at the sound of Sam's voice, the rest of the pack clearing out.

"They were worried about you, too." Jake answers my unspoken question.

"Mmm. But not Leah."

His face hardens, then empties. "She suffered too. She was hurt getting rid of the young ones."

"Oh." I remember the wolf flying past me. "Tell her I said thank you."

"Sure, sure."

He leans back slightly, looking around for a seat. I watch his face, smooth, safe. And I understand, at last. I really do love him.

"Jake?"

His face returns to mine, his eyes concerned. "Bells?"

"I think...I think one day has come, Jake."

He continues to look down at me. Gradually his expression changes from one of confusion to enlightenment.

"Really, Bells? It's not just the pain meds talking?"

"Really, Jake." He puts his hand over mine, and I wince.

"Oh, sorry, honey. Really I am." He kisses me lightly on the mouth. "You can't believe how happy I am. Now if I could just get you to marry me, so I could be sure you'd be mine for life..."

"Don't hold your breath. I'm not the marrying kind."

"This is plenty enough for me."

I close my eyes; weary but happy. No ache in my chest.

"For now." I hear him murmur.

* * * * *

**Jacob's POV**

My feet barely touched the ground as I enter the waiting room. I had waited until Bella was finally asleep, then I could wait no longer. I had to tell my pack, I had to tell the world!

Bella loves me!

I burst into the waiting room, overflowing with people who just look too big. Embry and Quil take one look at the huge grin on my face and thump me on the back.

"Finally, man!"

"Yeah! We thought you were gonna be a sucker forever."

Leah snorts from the other side of the room. "Once a sucker, always a sucker."

"Leah." Sam's normally benign stare burns into her.

"Come on! She won't hang around to be a part of this crappy life. I wouldn't, if I had any other choice."

"She's not you, Leah." Sam's voice rings with his frustration.

"Yeah! And Jacob sure as hell isn't you either."

Paul snarls, any excuse for a fight, and Leah stalks out the doors. I can't be angry with her, I'm just too _happy_ to care what she says.

My Bella loves me.

My life is complete.


	11. Chapter 11

**Bella's POV**

Three months after the hospital...

It took me so long to really see how..._attractive_ Jacob actually is. And I only see _now_ because I have finally opened my heart enough to allow him in.

Tonight is dinner and a movie in Port Angeles. A celebration, for the end of my schooling. Just a fast food chain, but it doesn't matter, because Jacob has one arm around me the whole time, and we're both smiling and laughing. A group of girls across the room alternately glare at me and ogle Jacob. I can understand why. Since he has grown taller and more muscular he has made a habit of wearing the tightest fitting tees he can get. Team that with a pair of jeans that hug in all the right places...my hand drifts to his thigh at the thought.

His smiling eyes gaze down into mine.

"Enjoying yourself?" His husky voice washes over me, soothing and sexy.

"Definitely..." my hand drifts upward, skips to his abs, and up his chest to cup his face. "Love you." His eyes smolder as I press my lips against his. His arm moves from my shoulder to my waist, the other pressing against the back of my neck, holding me in as he deepens the kiss, and presses me against the hardness of his chest. He groans, low in his throat and I return the passion in his embrace, shivering in delight.

I never feel the hole in my chest anymore.

Finally, he pulls his head back. My cheeks flame and his smile widens.

He grabs a handful of my fries. "Not hungry, Bella?"

"Like you even give me a chance! You've already pinched half of it!"

"I'll make up for it with popcorn."

I laugh. "And a really big drink!" I swish my cup, hearing the faint sound of the last few drops.

He laughs.

"And a drink. I promise."

* * * * *

After an hour and a half of what may have been a good movie - I don't know, because I spent much of it wrapped in Jacobs's arms - we finally exit, hand in hand, ambling along the dark streets towards Jacobs's Rabbit. Typically I trip myself up, and he throws his arms around me, swinging me up into the air.

"Bella, my love." He begins singing. Thank goodness for the darkness because my face turns beet red. I cover his mouth with my hands.

"Shh! You are so embarrassing!" Grinning like a Cheshire cat, he deposits me back on my feet. Staring into my eyes, all humor leaving his face.

"Do you know how happy you have made me, Bella Swan?"

"About as happy as you've made me I guess."

"And more." His warm lips touch my swollen ones. "I never want to be apart from you."

I snuggle into his broad chest.

"I'm not going anywhere."

He grabs my hand again, swinging our arms as we walk. "I'm glad to hear that." We finally reach his car, and he holds the door open for me. I giggle as I slide in, bumping my head on the frame. He rolls his eyes at me.

"So this is our life, huh? I'll have to keep rescuing you from mishaps?"

I smile. "Well, you knew what you were getting yourself in for."

He chuckles as he climbs in the driver's side. "I certainly did."

"No regrets?"

"None at all." He reaches across the seats for my hand. Once, this would have dragged up painful memories, now I feel light hearted, in love. "Am I taking you home?"

"No school tomorrow, remember?" I sigh as I lean back in the seat. No school. "I can be wherever I want."

"And where do you want to be tonight?"

"Wherever you are."

I watch his cheekbones rise. "My bed it is then." I laugh.

* * * * *

Not his bed, but his couch, certainly. I'm snuggled into his bare chest, staring blankly at the game he's watching.

I yawn widely. Sports bore me to tears.

"Bells?" His warm breath tickles my ear.

"Mmm?"

"Do you want to do something else?"

I snicker quietly.

He laughs. "You have a dirty mind."

Now we haven't actually _done_ anything, but that's not to say I'm unwilling.

"Not dirty, just....dusty."

His lips find my earlobe as he chuckles softly. "Dusty, huh?"

"Mmm." The feel of his mouth...ah, heaven.

"Do you think it needs a spring cleaning, then?" One of his hands runs up my leg to rest on my hip.

"I like a little mess."

His warm laughter in my ear again.

"So do I."

We make out on the couch until Billy arrives.

* * * * *

Another bonfire. Another chance for Leah to glare daggers at me. This time it doesn't affect me at all, so secure and sure I am with Jacob. Instead, I chat animatedly to Emily, both she and I joined at the hip to our wolves.

"Do you have any plans for college?"

"I haven't really made up my mind. I'm thinking of taking a year off." Jacobs arm tightens around my waist.

"That would be nice. A chance to be yourself for a bit."

"And a chance for her to marry me." Jake throws in.

"I thought we talked about this." I laugh.

The seriousness of his tone surprises me. "Not enough."

He pulls me away from the fire.

"Bells, I know you said you're not the marrying kind, but..."

I giggle slightly. He's never been quite so lost for words.

"Would you reconsider?"

"Jake..."

"I want to be with you, Bella. Forever. And..." he leans forward to nibble on my ear, running his hands down to the small of my back.

"I don't feel right about taking this any further until you say yes."

"That's blackmail." I murmur into his shoulder.

"No." He laughs. "It's called 'moral fiber'".

I can't help laughing again. "Yeah, right. Give me some time to think it over, okay?"

"Sure, sure."

"Besides, _you're_ still seventeen. I'm pretty sure that's illegal."

"Not if Billy agrees."

I snort. "You've got it all planned out, haven't you?"

"I want you to be my wife, Bella."

Definitely food for thought.


	12. Chapter 12

For the first time in a long time I walk the beach in La Push alone. I snuck out before anyone else has woken in order to have some time to think.

It's funny how quickly things can turn right around in such a short amount of time. Six months ago my chest felt like it was a black hole, pulling in every chance of any good feeling I was ever going to have again, but now...I could almost say I was happy as I was when I was with Edward.

I could even think his name without the gut wrenching agony I used to get.

And all because of Jacob, my own personal sun.

I was out here, freezing and shivering, thinking about what he said to me last night. He covered his offer with a laugh, but over the months I have come to know Jacob almost as well as I know myself. I know when a laugh is genuine, and when it is to cover nerves, although for him that is much rarer.

I don't pretend the love I have for him has entirely removed my feelings for Edward, because there is no way it ever could. How do you trump something stronger than a soul mate? But I do love him, much more than I thought my heart could ever manage.

His proposal....that's what brings me here now. Should I say yes? Should I say _no_? I wish the answer was that easy. Could I spend the rest of my life with Jake, raising our babies, growing old together? Once upon a time I might have thought not, but that was before Victoria, before my hospital confession, before some of the happiest months of my life.

Could I tie myself to someone while I am so young, only 18? And him, 17? What if we were to grow older, change, outgrow one another?

I stare out over the dark water, remembering the flame colored hair skimming the waves, closing in on me. Jacob, coming to my rescue for the umpteenth time, for no other reason than he loves me.

How could I possibly say no to that?

I ignore the soft voice of doubt in the back of my head.

* * * * *

"Jake." I whisper in his ear, but sometimes, when he sleeps, he is completely unreachable. "Jake!"

"Don't bother."

I spin around, surprised to see Leah standing in his doorway, in the position I have come to always expect her in; arms crossed, face in a perpetual frown.

"Sorry?"

"I said don't bother. He was patrolling last night, you won't get through to him." Her eyes softened somewhat as she peered down at his sleeping form.

"So, you've made up your mind then?"

My eyes widened. How did she know...?

"Wolf hearing, remember? Everything both of you said last night was _clearly_ overheard by the rest of us." She rolls her eyes. "With the exception of Emily and Kim, but I'm sure they heard about it afterwards."

I sit heavily on the bed.

"You're making a mistake."

I snort. "Like it's any of your business."

"It is actually." She raises one eyebrow, contemptuously. "Considering he is part of my _pack_." She spits the word out like a curse.

"It's still not up to you."

"No, it's not. But I still think you're being selfish. What if Edward came back tomorrow? What would you do?"

My mind shied from the answer I knew I didn't want to give.

"Exactly. And what do you think that would do to Jake?"

I cringe. She nods, smiling grimly.

"I've been there. I'd hate to watch you do that to Jacob."

"I wouldn't."

"Sam said the same thing, once upon a time. It didn't stop him either."

Jacob snores loudly in the bed behind me, and we both remain silent for a moment, waiting to see if he'll wake.

He doesn't.

Leah's face softens as she turns to me one final time. "Please don't do this to him, Bella. He doesn't deserve it." She slips out the door before giving me a chance to answer.

I stare at the empty door frame for a while before deciding that she is exactly what Jacob said; a bitter twisted harpy.

I nudge him hard in the ribs.

* * * * *

Billy stares at me over the worn kitchen table, laughter shining in his eyes.  
"Any thing you need to talk to me about, Bella?"

I felt the heat creep up my cheeks.

"No."

"Jacob's still asleep?"

"Yes."

Billy chuckles softy. "I jumped the gun then, huh?"

"Don't know what you're talking about." I reply, before filling my mouth with the biggest mouthful of sandwich I can.

Speak of the devil...Jacob ambles into the kitchen, rubbing at his eyes wearily. "Morning."

"I think you mean afternoon." I snickered.

"Really?"

"Really."

"_Well_," Billy pushes his chair theatrically away from the table. "I think you two have a _lot_ to discuss, right Bella?" He winks at me, and I blush furiously, hot and embarrassed.

"Huh?" Jacob stares between us, not comprehending.

"You'll see." Billy laughs and pushes his chair towards the front door. "I'll catch you two lovebirds later. Oh, and Jacob? Of course I agree."

The sun lit upon Jacobs features as he understood what his father was saying.

"Bella..."

"Shush, Jake! Can't you wait until he leaves, at least?" Billy's laughter echoes around the small room.

"Bella!" Jacob drags me from my seat and into his arms, crushing me, his dark eyes burning. "Are you going to say what I think you're going to say?"

"Are you thinking I'm going to say 'yes'?"

"That's exactly what I'm thinking." His hot breath on my face caused my knees to wobble.

"Well, you'd be right." I whisper.

"Oh...Bella! Are you certain?"

"Um, as long as you stop squeezing me to death, then yes."

"You'll never regret this, I promise." And finally, his mouth crushes mine with the force of his happiness. His tongue sweeps into my mouth, and his hands on my waist tighten, so that he lifts me into the air and spins me around, still numbing my mind with his kiss.

I hope he's right.


	13. Chapter 13

Emily, of course, insists on throwing us an enormous engagement party when she hears our news, and Jacob and Sam tussle in their rush to get out the door and pass the news to the rest of the pack first. We girls laugh at their antics.

So now I really will be a wolf girl, just like Emily.

I watch as she bustles around her small kitchen, preparing a meal large enough to feed a whole army.

"Surely Sam and Jacob won't eat _that_ much." I point out.

She laughs at my naivety. "Do you think only the two of them will return? Obviously the rest of them are going to see it as an excuse to party."

"Does this mean we can skip the engagement celebration?" I ask hopefully.

"Not a chance." She smiles, draining a pile of spaghetti so big; I could have eaten for a year.

I huff, disappointed.

* * * * *

An hour later Sam shoo's the pack out of the house, where the fit has become just too tight for comfort. Instead they converge in the front yard, taking turns to slap Jacob on the back with as much power as they can muster, and squeezing me until I swear half my ribs are actually broken.

"Ah, now you really will be a sister." Embry says as he squashes my lungs to the size of peanuts. "About time."

"Can't...move...Embry." He releases me quickly, dropping me unsteadily on the ground. I wobble slightly until I regain my balance.

Kim slides over to me, Jared clinging to her arm. "I'm so happy for you Bella." She says softly, kissing me lightly on the cheek. "Congratulations."

I hug her quickly. Only she and Emily can really understand what kind of life this means for me.

"Yeah, congrats." Jared adds, staring at Kim in wonder.

Eventually, Jacob fights his way against the tide of well wishers and pulls me into his arms. I crane my neck, gazing happily into his face. "And you rescue me again."

"I'll rescue you forever Bella. That's my promise."

His brushes his lips against my nose.

I pull his face lower, until my mouth catches his.

His arms tighten around my waist and he sweeps me away, to somewhere completely separate and alone, a world where firecrackers blaze, and my body suffuses with heat.

Until the wolf whistles and laughter drag us back to Earth.

"Guys." Jacob whines. "Can't you lay off?"

"Jake." Paul mimics his whining. "Can't you save it for your wedding night?"

Jacob's face took on a taunting light. "Jealous, Paul?" I watch as Paul's face crumples into anger, and the skin on his arms shivers.

"Paul!" Sam yells. "Not now!"

Slowly the trembling fades, but the irritated expression remains. The same look is mirrored on Leah's face, sitting alone away from the rest of the pack.

I can imagine exactly what she is thinking as she watches us, after telling me not to do this. In spite, I lean up, pulling Jacob's ear down to my mouth. "Now that we've made it official..." I whisper. "I don't see why we should wait for the wedding."

He reacted oddly, pulling away from me stiffly and looking...embarrassed?

I understand why when I look around us. The remainder of the pack is stifling their giggles behind their hands. All except Leah and Quil. Leah glares at me, sickened.

Quil laughs out loud. "Who knew you had it in you, Bells?"

My face floods with heat as the rest of the boys start cracking up.

"Oh, God. Kill me now." I murmur.  
"But then you won't be able to fulfill your promise." Jacobs responds, not bothering to lower his voice now, because it seems there is no point in trying to hide anything else.

I flush again.

"Alright, guys. Party's over." Jacob slips an arm around my waist, directing me towards his Rabbit. "Bella and I are leaving; we'll catch you all later."

More snickering follows us as he leads me away and we climb into his car. "So, my Bell. Is it my bed for real this time?"

My face flames and I nod. "Yes, Jake, this time it's your bed for real."

**Sorry this one is so short, hopefully the next makes up for it, if not in legnth then...content? It will be a lemon...well, of a sort (:**


	14. Chapter 14

Jacob creeps silently into his house, peering from left to right. I look where he does, and see nothing. He smiles.

"Billy's out. We have at least some of the evening to ourselves."

I grin, remembering. "That's right, there's a big game on. He's probably with Charlie."

"All the better." Jacob grins, and pulls me in for a flaming kiss.

His tongue teases my bottom lip until I open my mouth and allow him entry, then he takes control, flirting with the inside of my mouth, touching my teeth. His hands begin a slow climb from my waist up into my hair, tugging my head back gently so my lips open further to his explorations. My own hands grasp tightly at his bulging biceps, nails digging into the skin.

He pulls his head away sharply, panting. "Are you sure Bella?" His dark eyes burn right through my own.

"Definitely." Maybe, I add to myself, silently. My assurance is all he needs though, to scoop me up bridal style and carry me into his bedroom, leaving the light off, again with the thoughtfulness. I would die rather than do this in full light.

He deposits me softly on his bed, pressing the hard length of his muscled body against the softness of my own. I burn every where with the heat from his skin and within myself.

He devours my mouth, and his hands rake my body, lifting my shirt to expose my stomach.

He moves down, kissing as he lifts my shirt higher, exposing the under side of my breasts.

"Oh, Bella." He murmurs, sending tingles along my skin from the vibration of his lips.

I arch my back into him and his mouth grazes the sensitive skin before moving upwards, his tongue flicking across my nipple. My breathing comes in gasps.

My hands tangle themselves into his hair, pulling his face closer as I try to push all of me into his hungry mouth.

I moan as he draws my other nipple in and bites down gently. "Oh, God, Jake..."

He smothers a soft giggle against my breast before drawing my shirt up over my head, dropping it on the floor before running his hands over my shoulders and down my arms.

"Are you cold Bella?"

I giggle nervously. "Not even close...except when you move away..."

He crushes me against his somehow bare and hot chest. "Well then I won't let you go, not tonight..."

I draw his mouth back to mine, demanding and insistent.

In the distance, a wolf howls. This time, Jake stays, all night, just as he promised.


	15. Chapter 15

The night before my wedding. I can't believe I am actually going through with this. The dress hangs in my cupboard, clean and neat inside an enormous bag, the shoes side by side beneath it. On my left hand is the ring that Jacob bought me the night after our first, but not last time, together. A small diamond solitaire; unobtrusive and perfect. My father's suit hangs next to my dress, dry cleaned and adjusted, and my Mom and Phil are at a nearby hotel.

Charlie is so pleased that he and Billy are going to be related; they staged their own personal 'father's in law' party at the same time Jake celebrated with his friends.

My hen's night consisted of a sleep over at Angela's house with Emily and Kim. I invited Leah, out of courtesy, but unsurprisingly, she didn't show.

I gaze out of the kitchen window at the twilight, thinking about everything that has gone by in my life so far.

"No regrets." I whisper to myself, before my legs carry me of their own accord to the front door. I step out, breathing deeply of the cool moist air. My eyes are drawn to 'the spot.' The spot where Edward said his final goodbye, the spot that was almost my ending. I amble over to it slowly. The leaves on the trees are the same shade of green as they were the evening he left me, rustling slightly in the gentle breeze. I sit on a broken branch, surveying the area.

It even seems like I can smell him here, like he stands right behind me.

The hole in my chest, closed for so long, aches slightly. I lean my head against the tree behind me, drawing in slow deep breaths.

"Bella?"

I can almost swear I even hear his voice, echoing through the trees. A silent tear slips down my cheek. My final farewell to the truest love.

"Bella!"

The echo gains volume, bursting in my brain like a firecracker.

"Open your eyes, Bella, please." I listen to the voice, and my eyes flutter open. I fall sideways off the branch at the sight that greets me.

I had forgotten how perfect Edward's face was; the strong line of his jaw, the molten amber eyes, the straight nose.

"Bella." His cold hands grip me under the arms; lift me so I stand before him. "I've missed you so." Cool, marble fingers trail over my face. I remain frozen in shock.

"Edward?" I ask tentatively.

"My Bella." The fingers continue their fluttery exploration.

"Edward? What are you....? Is my imagination going into overdrive, because I am so nervous?"

"Nervous, love? Have I hurt you so much, that it unnerves you to see me?"

"No...Oh." I looked down at the ring on my hand, glittering in the dim light, understanding quickly dawning. "Oh, Jake."

"Jake?" Edward's perfect face scrunches up in confusion. "I don't understand love."

"Oh...Edward..." I sink slowly back onto the tree branch, and he kneels by me, confused. The tears begin to fall.

"Oh, love. I am so sorry. I didn't know, I thought it would be better if I left, that you would move on..."

"I did." I interrupted quietly.

"Love?"

"Jake. Oh, poor, poor, Jake. I'm supposed to marry him tomorrow."

Edwards back straightens, his eyes growing pained and distant. "Oh. Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I just...I just couldn't be away from you anymore. I'll leave."

"No!" I shout before he even has a chance to turn his back. "No, don't leave me again." I murmur.

"Bella, I can't watch you marry someone else. Please, don't ask that of me."

"I...I'm not. Oh...oh, god. Jake."

Tears pour down my cheeks. "I do love him, but I _need you_." Edwards eyes burn, understanding. "Oh..." I fall forward, my head leaning on his shoulder, still crying.

"As long as you are here to stay, my choice will always be you..." my heart breaks as I say those words, even though I know how true they are.

His cold stone arms wrap around me, clinging to me as tightly as I cling to him.

"I'll never leave you again, Bella. I promise. I couldn't if I tried."

"But how am I going to tell him..."

A snort from behind a tree shocks me.

"_You_ won't have to. Damn, I _told_ you, and now look at the mess you've made!" Leah steps forward, glaring. Edward shows not even a flicker of surprise. I cower in his arms, the fury in her gaze blinding in its brightness.

"Leave her be, Leah." Edward keeps his arm around me, but moves to block me from her view.

"Leave her be?" She sneers. "Jacob put everything he had into making her feel better, into saving her from the leeches you left her to. He loves her, and tonight, he is at home, thanking everything for the fact that tomorrow she will marry him, and stay with him. But, no, you choose _now_ to reappear. After all this time you've been hanging around, watching, you choose _tonight_ to make your presence known to her. We've been keeping our ears open for a while, smelt your scent weeks ago. Why do you think I'm here tonight?" She snorts again. "And _you_," she returns her piercing gaze to me. "You don't even blink, you're straight back into his arms, the second he clicks his fingers."

I shiver, knowing everything she says is the truth, knowing as well, it won't change my mind.

"You disgust me." Her voice lowers, but her anger remains unchecked. "You are absolutely pathetic. Leave now, don't even look back. I'll tell him. He'll probably think I'm lying, thanks to his utter belief in you, but still. It would only hurt him more if you tried to explain."

Then she smiled, and it chills me.

"At least there is one part of you that he'll always have. Your _innocence_." She spits out the final word like a curse, and I cringe.

"Pardon?" Edward stares wide eyed at Leah.

"You understand me, bloodsucker. That is a term from your era, after all."

His eyes bore into mine, questioning. "Bella...did you..."

I shrink again, angry, disappointed, and miserable. Will I ever stop hurting people?

"Yes. She did. He can't help _remembering_ every time he phases; we've all had a good look." She glares down at me.

"I guess..." Edward chokes. "I deserve that. I still love you, Bella. Forgive me; I should never have left you."

"There's nothing to forgive." I reply automatically.

Leah laughs a bitter sound.

"Oh, yes there is. You just won't be around to take the fall."

And with that she turns, running into the trees to phase, the pieces of her dress falling gently to the ground.


	16. Chapter 16

**Leah's POV**

I phase right outside Jacobs window, sighing before sliding in. Poor Jake. I had a soft spot for him, thanks to Bella. I knew this would end in heartbreak.

All of us did once we scented the return of Edward Cullen. I could only hope they had listened to me and left, at the very least Jacob might not have to suffer with their love taunting him day after day, the way I did with Sam and Emily.

Surely something good can happen sometime.

I lean over Jacob, snoring peacefully, no idea of what he has lost. Maybe I should have made her tell him herself. But I just couldn't stand the idea that he would be broken. At least if it was me, his anger and disbelief, his idea that I was a cold calculating bitch, would override everything else for a while.

"Jacob." I whisper.

I am reminded of the time I came to tell him that Edward was around, and she was leaning over him, trying to wake him. I should have told her, right then, before she said yes.

I should have stopped this.

"Jacob."

Large warm hands slide around my back, and he smiles, although his eyes remain shut.

"Mmm, Bella."

I stay silent. I want to argue, but I don't. It feels nice to be held, even if the person holding me believes me to be someone else...

He tugs sharply, pulling me down so every inch of my naked body is stretched over his. I sigh enjoying the feel of his muscles, his erection pressing into me. His hands begin a slow caress over my back, and I moan in response.

I know my voice is considerably different to Bella's, I guess this is what causes his eyes to fly open. I find myself flung off him, onto the floor.

"What the _hell_ do you think you're doing, Leah?"

I glare up at him, desiring and disgusted. With him, with myself.... "Gee, Jake, I guess I came here to screw you senseless."

His eyes bug out.

"For crying out loud, are you really that stupid? I just phased."

"And somehow ended up in my bed?" He pulls his blanket over his hips.

I glare. "Hello, can you see me sitting here, butt naked? Pass me something, moron."

He throws me one of his shirts and I pull it over my head, covering my face slightly longer than necessary, trying to settle my emotions.

"I came to talk to you."

"For god's sake, Leah. Please don't tell me you came to try and talk me out of this again. I already told you I love Bella, and I'm marrying her." He flickers a glance at the clock next to his bed. "Today."

"No you're not."

"What the fuck..." He glares at me. "Seriously, Leah. You're a real bitch. I am so sick of your shit!" He wraps the blanket around him, and rises out of his bed, glaring down at me, sitting cross legged on the floor. "Can't you quit trying to make everyone as miserable as you?"

"This is not about me, Jacob Black." I stand, looking him in the eye. "This is about you. Well, about Bella, anyway." I sneer, speaking my next sentence slowly and clearly, to inflict the most pain.

"Edward came to her. She's left you, Jacob."

For a second, horror flashes through his eyes. Then disgust. "Leah, this is an all time low, even for you. Your lies won't change my mind."

My skin trembles. "My lies? You dick, you know as well as I that Edward's been floating around the last few weeks. Did you honestly think he'd see her happy with you and leave? Really? You would have to the world's biggest sucker if you actually thought that shit."

His hands grip my shoulders in a hold that would break the bones of a normal person. His eyes burned into mine, desperate. "You're lying."

"Am I? Do you want to test it? We can phase right now, you can see for yourself."

His hands tighten briefly before slowly letting go.

"You can't be serious." His voice has taken on a pleading tone, and I know he's given up. We can't hide anything when we're phased.

"I'm sorry, Jake. I really am."

He snorts. "Get out of here, Leah."

I halt, tempted to stay, but I recognize the agonized light in his eyes.

"Sure. I'll be round if you need me."

I slip back out Jacob's window. Behind me, the air shimmers, and Jacob bursts. I understand; there is too much pain in him to deal with as a human.

**Jacob's POV**

I run straight to Bella's house when I phase. It's not that I don't believe Leah, I do. It's that I don't _want_ to. I race through the trees, the green passing me in a blur, my claws scraping and sliding on the wet leaves.

Finally, I am in Forks, just out of sight of Bella's home.

Overwhelmed by the scent of _him_. The bastard who's stolen my Bella. 'Not stolen' some pathetic part of my brain says. 'She left on her own, you know that.'

No, I want to roar. It's him, it's all his fault! Not my Bella, not hers.

The trees echo the silence, no heartbeat can be heard in her house, no faint waft of her remains. He overpowers, erases.

My love is gone.

I howl in agony at the dark sky above my head.

My Bella.

**Leah's POV**

I sneak back into Jacob's house once he leaves, make myself comfortable on his couch and turn on the tv. I thought briefly about phasing, but decided against it; I don't want to be the one to tell the rest of the pack.

After a while the front door bangs open, and Jacob enters, completely naked, totally uncaring. His face is wretched, burning with agony.

"So?" I ask. "Did you find what you were after?"

Slowly he realizes I am sitting there, still in just his tee.

"Leah." His eyes pierce me with anger and misery.

"Well, duh. I'm pretty sure I don't look anything like Sam. Probably a little like Seth."

He crosses the room in two strides, stands over me, breathing heavily.

I look up, a smirk on my face. Yes, I am a bitch. Even now I can't bring myself to pat his back, make sympathetic noises.

One of his hands shoots out, tearing his shirt straight off my body. "Is this what you wanted, _Leah_?" He spits out my name like a curse. My breathing speeds up.

"Jake." I hiss. "What the fuck?"

He yanks my wrist, dragging me up until my body is pressed against his. His mouth dominates mine, his tongue invades.

I pant as he pushes my face away.

"Is this what you were after this morning?"

My chest is crushed against his as he pulls me against him roughly.

"Jake. I think you've lost it."

He grinds himself against me.

"Not yet." He leers.

Now I know what I _should_ do; knee him in the balls and leave him to it. But I've always liked things...rough.

I swivel my hips. "Fine then. Pay me back. For whatever it is you blame me for."

At first his eyes widen. I suppose he expected I would freak out, would back off apologizing for whatever shit Bella has put him through, but that's not me.

Then they narrow, and I see the anger, the misery, the desire focus into one point. Me.

He pushes me harshly, so I fall back onto the sofa. I spread my legs and my smile, slowly, teasing.

He certainly isn't in the mood for tease. With a low growl, he's on me and in me.

Hard.

I like it.

"Is this what you wanted the whole time?" He grinds out.

Maybe.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N Ok, so this chapter is a little odd...more A/N at the end.**

**

* * *

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**Jacob's POV**

I roll off Leah, panting. What have I done now?

And the best part is? Everyone's going to know. Great, just great.

She sighs, leaning her head back against the sofa, looking smug. I could blame her, say she lured me to it...she didn't. I'm angry. I wanted someone to pay. Leah just happened to be the messenger.

She seems pretty happy about my punishment.

I disgust myself.

What am I trying to do here?

'Pay Bella back.' That logical part of my mind says. 'She's off with him again. You can be with someone else.'

Yeah. Leah. Wonderful.

Although...this was going to put us on very even footing; her disaster with Sam, mine with Bella.

I groan.

"Jake?" One of her eyes opens. "You ok?"

Seriously? Am I ok? "What do you think, Leah?"

"I think....I think I'll be leaving." She rises, still completely bare ass naked, strolls calmly down the hall to my room, emerging seconds later in one of my shirts and a pair of my track pants. "You've got some shit to sort out."

She's got that right.

The door clicks shut behind her. I stare up, following the minute patterns in the roof. My Bella is gone. Sam was waiting after I left her house, as I ran, furious, back to my won house, so the whole pack will know by now.

Know that she left me, on the eve of our wedding.

Know that when faced with the rest of her life with me, she chose him.

I knew it. I didn't like to face it, but I always knew it. It was always going to be him. No matter that I could offer her a human life, with babies, a future, no. It was always going to be him.

My nails dig into the sofa beneath me until I feel the stuffing burst from the hole I have made.

If I was female, people would expect this, would sympathize, would console. I can almost hear the pack now. Brady and Colin would think nothing of it at all; they were too young to care. Paul would think it was hilarious. Embry and Quil would try, but neither of them would truly understand, Embry the solo wolf, and Quil, certain of his destiny with Clair. Sam would be somewhat empathetic, but he was on the same side as Bella, in the role of leaver...only Leah really got it.

That thought makes me slightly nauseous.

Leah and I have more in common than a link of desperation.

Sick.

I filter through random thoughts of Leah's that used to piss me off before; snide snaps at Sam and Emily, her contempt, her wish to curl up and die rather than having to face us all day in and out...

I could really relate now.

The biggest problem about finding no one at Bella's is I couldn't rip the leech to shreds.

Alright, so I knew he was back. So I thought he would care, be glad she was happy with me, go away again, leave us to it.

Of course not.

He's a filthy, selfish, manipulative mother...

A bloodsucker.

I'm just picking over every aspect of my last night with Bella, every moan, every time she called my name, when Billy creeps in.

Ok, so it is physically impossible to _creep_ in a wheelchair, but he does his best impression of it anyway.

"Jake?" He seems surprised to find me sitting on the couch. Belatedly I realize I still haven't bothered dressing.

"Are you...?"

"Just don't ask if I'm okay." I say tiredly. "Of course I'm not. Today was supposed to be my fucking wedding day, for crissake."

"Uh..."

"Leave me be. Please."

He does, and I continue to sit, staring blankly at the roof, Bella's beautiful face the only thing I see.

* * * * *

**Leah's POV**

I like trophy's nowadays. Jakes pants and tee? Definitely fall under the category trophy. Although it really wasn't much of a challenge. Screw miserable boy who has just lost his fiancé? Easy pickings. Make said boy fall in love again? Considerably different.

Fall in love, there must be a romantic hidden in me somewhere. Or a sick twisted dreamer.

Why would I even...oh that's right. I miss being loved.

It's not that I really _care_ who it is who loves me; I have no intention of ever returning that feeling again. Ever.

It's just...I want someone to look at me, like there is no one else. Like the sun shines out my rear, like they would throw themselves in front of a bus for me.

Sam looked at me like that. Once upon a time.

See, sick romantic. Even throwing out pathetic fairy tale lines. Pity I missed out on my happily ever after. Emily got that.

And Edward will have Jacob's.

Is there any possible way two completely fucked up rejects can make something good happen?

He seems to me like the last stop before I truly emerge from my cocoon as nothing more than the harpy they all think I am. Hell, maybe it's too late already.

My moments with Jacob did surprise me, though. He made me feel things, not just physical things...even though I knew it was Bella he was thinking of, Bella he wished he was with.

I still felt...special for a minute.

I miss that.

But I refuse to love. Ever again. Especially not Jacob Black.

I wouldn't mind _him_ loving _me_, though.

I need a plan...

Maybe I should try my hand at baking.

* * *

**A/N Ok, so like I said, odd. I kind of leapt right into Leah's mind, things that weren't shown before. I'll elaborate a bit later, but in case you're scratching your head wondering where this came from, part of her jealousy is of course watching other girls being adored.**

**But like I said, there will be elaboration.**

**It's the most annoying part with fan fiction...you have to wait for the whole story!!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Jacob's POV**

Day 36 without Bella.

Ok, so that is sad. Sad but true. I am counting the days since she left. There hasn't been a peep from her personally since. Through Charlie I was informed she had changed her mind and was attending college in some random town somewhere on the other side of the country. I'm surprised she didn't just say on the other side of the world.

I haven't deviated from my particular routine; bed, couch, bed.

And maybe shower, on the occasion I remember.

Leah comes around every day, seats herself at my feet. Sometimes I consider reenacting that first day when I found out, but...it seems too much like hard work.

Instead I stare blankly at the tv, her curled up near me, and die a little more.

**Leah's POV**

Ok, so coming around doesn't work. Call me a fool for trying it for a month, but I was being a sap, I thought time might heal all wounds. Me of all people should know better. It just gives you more scope for bitterness.

I've tried hinting at something physical, that would probably speed things along, but when I try, I get barely a flicker of interest.

I should just go ahead and jump him, maybe then he won't be able to resist.

I look up at him from the floor where I am leaning against the couch.

Nope, that probably won't help.

I've seen corpses with more life.

Although, typically males don't need thoughts...

Okay, so I am not that heartless.

I haven't tried baking yet either, but seeing as he barely touches food (shocker), I don't suppose there is much point.

I wish there was something I could do to snap him out of it.

Billy enters, staring between Jacob and I and sighing as he does every day. No, no change. He's still acting like he has died...

Maybe he has.

Maybe the whole corpse thing is something I could work with...ew, no. That is too sick, even for me.

A good fight might go down better...

**Jacob's POV**

I think Leah is up to something like her 10th insult before I even realize what she's saying, and then only because it's something about Bella...

"What did you say?" I snap.

"I said, what kind of tramp sleeps with one guy one day then runs off with another the next? You can sure pick 'em, Jake."

"What the hell do you know, Leah? You were upstaged by your own cousin." I felt a little guilty when I saw her flinch. Not for long though. "Yeah, but at least Sam had imprinting as an excuse, what's Bella got? Vampire syndrome? Or is it just that you flat out weren't interesting enough?"

"Shut up, Leah." I could feel the heat rising as my blood boiled, hotter than usual.

"C'mon, Jake, are you going to be some stupid girls pet for the rest of your life, sit around like a kicked dog in the hopes one day she might come running back?"

I snarled. She had hit too close to the truth, my belief that one day she might realize how much happier she was with me...

She kneeled, her face inches from mine. "She's not. She's screwing him, and she's not even sparing a single thought for you."

I tackled her to the ground.

**Leah's POV**

Billy snuck right back out the door before I had thrown my third insult. I tried for lazy, useless, hopeless...nothing made even the slightest dent. SO I went for the kill, attacked Bella.

It worked.

His dark eyes snapped, his jaw clenched, and he glared at me, as if he thought that might stop me. I was on a roll, though. I was getting the reaction I wanted. Something other than the zombie he has been for weeks.

I saved the best for last.

"She's not. She's screwing him, and she's not even sparing a thought for you."

I wasn't entirely surprised when he leapt off the chair, pulling me down with him.

"If you can't shut yourself up, I'll have to help it along." His breath was hot against my face.

"Try me. I'm not breakable like _her_."

The only thing I wasn't sure of was whether he would hit me.

I should know better, that's not Jacob.

Vengeful sex, however...

He tore off my top before I even finished my thought, leering down at me. "Is this all you know, Leah? How to tear into people until they crack? How to get them to tear into you?"

"It's all I want to know." I whisper. I don't want anything that requires me to give anything real back. Sex is just sex.

"Fine." My shorts were the next to go. "Maybe this is what I need."

"Exactly. A reminder that every woman can offer what she did." I don't get a chance to say anything else, my mouth is full.


	19. Chapter 19

**Leah's POV**

"Is this how you felt after?" Jake did me the decency of not actually saying the words 'after Sam left you.' I appreciate that.

"Something like it."

"But you still have to face him."

I shudder slightly. "Every god damn day."

"I'm...sorry." He chokes the words out like they leave a bad taste in his mouth.

My mouth turns up in a wry smile. "I'm used to it."

He sits up, pulling the sheet down off my body with his movement. "But _how_? How do you get used to that? I feel like I'm going to die...or just disappear..."

I sigh. "That helped."

"Uh..." He covers his face with his hands. "I'm really sorry about that, Leah. That was totally uncalled for."

"C'mon Jake, tell me you're not that much of an idiot, please."

"What do you mean?"

"Did you not think I wanted that?" I curl on my side using my hands as a pillow. "That I need it." I whisper.

"What do you mean?" He turns to face me.

"Can you imagine what it's like, for someone to leave you for someone else, make you feel like less of a woman...?"

"I can imagine half that."

"Huh. Yeah."

A tear trickles down my cheek. "Sometimes I just...I just want to know someone finds me attractive, even if it's in _that_ way."

"Leah." Jakes eyes practically bug out of his head. "Didn't you realize all the guys try and piss you off just to see you snap and phase?"

"Huh?"

For the first time in a month, he laughs. It's a dry, unused kind of sound, but it's there.

"I think Paul's the worst for it, really. He would have...well, if you had of asked him he would have solved this problem for you long ago."

I gape. "Paul? Jerk of the century?"

"Why do you think he's such an ass to you? Seriously, you're a bit behind."

Hmm. That gave me a lot to think about. Paul would be easier to work with...then I saw the look on Jacobs face.

That same lonely, broken look I wore for weeks after Sam left, until I hardened into something like stone.

"Jake?"

He glossed over his expression, the poker face falling into place. "Hungry, Leah?"

"No. Jake, I'm really sorry, about...well, about everything."

"It's not your fault, Leah."

"It's not your fault either."

I watched as gradually his face fell again. He buried his head in his hands. "How the hell did it get to _this_? How did I become the person that uses...?"

I interrupted his train of thought.

"Ah, I think you've got that back the front, Jake."

He doesn't answer, just rises and leaves the room.

I sigh again.

* * * * *

I do love to run; there is nothing in my life that makes me feel quite the way this does. Tearing up loose roots and leaves, slipping and sliding on the damp forest floor...I think if I could die, without this, I would have. I would have just given up. Instead, as humiliating as it is, on occasion I beg Sam to let me be, to keep everyone human and let me run.

I feel relief as the wind whips past me, and the voices in my head remain silent.

Today, I am left with my thoughts of Jacob.

I can't let myself feel anything, I can't. It would kill me. I just can't be falling for him...I pick up the pace, determined I can exorcize him from my heart, even as he is slowly making byways through my walls.

* * * * *

**Jacob's POV**

Day 40 without my Bella.

"I haven't seen Leah around here for a few days."

I have yet to understand why my Dad seems to think he needs to hover over me like a helicopter since Bella left. It's not like I can _do_ anything to myself, excepting of course hunting out an understanding vampire who might rip me to shreds. Which I can't be bothered doing. That would require leaving the house. Not happening.

"Jake?"

"Yeah, I think she got sick of the silence."

"Hmm. Don't you have patrol or something..."

I can practically hear the 'anything' that goes with that thought.

"No."

"Huh."

I flick the channels uselessly. I never really watch.

"It's been nice, having a woman around..."

I wonder if he's meaning to make things worse. He rolls around the couch until he is blocking my view of what _could_ have been a fascinating ad.

"Jake, you need to move on." I scowl. "You can't mope around here forever."

"Oh," I return scathingly, "because you brought home a mad rush of prospective mates after Mom died."

He recoils, like I have slapped him.

"That was different."

"Yeah, she _died_. She didn't run off on you."

A frown crossed Billy's face.

"Jake. I didn't have much time to think about moving on; I had three children to raise..."

"Whatever."

He shook his head, moved from my vision. "_Someone _needs to get through to you."

* * * * *

**Leah's POV**

Right when I am reminiscing over Jacob's fingers, Sam decides to drop in for a visit. I feel the recoil in his thoughts.

_Do you not realize some things should be kept private, Leah?_

_Oh, yes, Sammy, because I asked you to join me in my reverie, didn't I?_

_Leah, don't be a jerk._

I replay my last few moment's thoughts.

_For god's sake, Leah, will you ever grow up?_

_Will you ever leave Emily?_

His sigh rings in my mind.

_Leah..._the one word is backed by years of frustration.

_Well, at least you remember my name._

_Seriously...you know what, I don't care. You need to come back._

_What for?_

_Billy's asked for help with Jacob._

_Oh, I've helped a-plenty, Sam._

_Not that kind of help. I don't know why I'm even asking you. I should have told Quil or Embry._

_Whatever. I'm coming._

I hate being the last resort.

* * * * *

**Jacob's POV**

This time it's Leah blocking my vision. Amazingly, it makes me...not happy, not exactly. Secure? Safe? Relieved?

"Leah." I breathe.

She stands over me, one eyebrow raised, hand on hip.

"What shit have I been dragged back for this time? You can't go a few days without a piece of ass...?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Sam said something about Billy asking for help for you. Don't you have a hand?"

I snicker. "Two, actually." I reach both of them out, shoving her own hand out of the way to place mine on her waist, pulling her in close so her face and mine are almost touching. "See?"

I hear her breath catch in her throat. I shiver lightly.

"I am not your whore, Jacob Black."

I release her, surprised. "I don't expect you to be."

Her eyes soften, and she sits herself next to me. "Do you mind?" She asks.

"No." Strangely...not at all. In fact, with her sitting next to me, I feel a little human.

Together we watch some sitcom, and I laugh freely with her. It feels like forever since I have really laughed.


	20. Chapter 20

**Jacob's POV**

Sometime after Bella left, I think it's day 56.

Leah leans into me, warmth and comfort. She has sat in precisely this manner for over a week. Each day, when I wake up, and find her with me, a little bit of who I am returns, a smile here, a sarcastic remark there. She is reawakening me.

**Leah's POV**

Oh, I am a fool god help me.

Or someone at least.

I should have followed through with my thought of trying things with Paul, there'd be nothing there with Paul except sparks and roaring flame, with Jacob...

Oh, someone, save me from myself.

I seriously can not be falling for Jacob. Nuh, uh.

My stuttering heart beat when he rests his hand on my hip taunts my aching brain. When he chuckles warmly near my ear, my breathing catches, the sound is so _good_. But I can't love Jacob, I just can't.

I am meant to be using him. He is meant to fall for me, meant to worship the ground I walk on, while I wallow in his attentions.

'Think of Sam.' I tell myself, a thousand times a day. 'Remember what it felt like when Sam left.'

Somehow, slowly, that pain is fading. I grudgingly admit Bella had something right, Jacob really is like the sun; warm and he fills me with hope for wonderful things.

Even though I should know better.

Maybe I am a masochist. That's probably true. I antagonize Sam, calling it my revenge, but in the end what does it get me? Nothing. Every time I phase, I have the great misfortune of seeing every speck of his adoration for Emily, and his continued disgust in me.

When what I really want is some way for him to love me again.

And now this. I try to find some way to make Sam jealous, to remind myself that I am wanted, adored...

And I fall.

Right into the trap.

All over again.

At least last time, I had an excuse. I'd known Sam forever, we grew up together. I was a catch, supposedly, and he was so thrilled...neither of us really believed the whole werewolf thing.

Huh, more fool us.

If I had of....well, no. I probably would have still made the same decision.

See, masochist.

Sighing, I snuggle in closer to Jacobs warm side.

Seeing as I'm going to hell...

**Jacob's POV**

I feel Leah's body shift closer to mine, and I tighten my arm around her. I guess, eventually we will have to leave this house, return to every day life, but it's so peaceful here...and this Leah is so different to the one I'm used to. So much more mellow.

Less bitter.

She's like my life raft; as the seas storm around me, I cling to her, and somehow, I think I can almost see land, somewhere off in the distance. I remain hopeful.

And after the last time...I don't touch her in that way.

I'm sickened by my own actions, have made a vow that any physical stuff will be clearly begun by her.

No matter how edgy I get, and I do.

Leah, being a werewolf, is rather like us guys, she wears very little. During her time awake, it's a midriff baring singlet and short shorts, and at night, when she is curled up next to me, holding me as she sleeps, her bra and panties.

It can be disturbing, to say the least, and a number of times, in the dead of night, I have snuck off to the bathroom.

I won't hurt her again, though. I've promised myself. Not in any way.

**Leah's POV**

Two damaged wolves. It's kind of sad, but still...it's nice to share a moment with someone who feels the same way...

Philosophy is not usually my strong point, I'm not going to start now.

"What a dick." I snort, smirking at the telly.

Lighthearted banter, that's more like it.


	21. Chapter 21

**Leah's POV**

"C'mon Jake, we have to leave the house at some point. And I don't know about you, but I would rather _not_ have Sam come and drag us out himself." I frowned at Jacob, sitting on the couch, stuffing himself with a bag of potato chips.

"Aw, c'mon Leah. It hasn't been that long, really."

"Jacob Black. It has been two months now. Long enough time to mope."

I smile in satisfaction as he groans. I know that means he is going to give in.

"Can't we just hide out for one more day?" He smiles at me, warm and seductive, and my legs tremble.

"No." It's all I trust myself to say.

"Fine." He pouts, but he drags himself up. I can't help but admire the spread of muscles across his chest and arms. He might have been acting like a statue for two months, but it has affected nothing, his abs are still rock hard.

I am so relieved my wolf genes haven't given me a similar figure. Sure, my abs are flat (and perfect, if I say so myself), and of course I have the requisite muscles, but not glaringly obvious, like a steroid addicted body builder. Just...perfectly feminine.

He stretches, leaving me open for another enjoyable look, unfortunately this time, he catches me.

"Like what you see, Leah?" He steps closer, the heat from his body mingling with the heat from mine.

"Patrol." I spit out, embarrassed. "Got to make certain you're still up for it."

"Sure, sure." He grins. Let's make a move." He starts pulling on the waist band of his track pants. I whirl and rush into his bathroom, terrified if he exposes all I'll be lost. And we have things to do.

Leaning against the door, I draw off my singlet and shorts, leaving them in a neatly folded pile near the shower. I turn, open the door slightly and phase, nudging it the rest of the way with my muzzle.

Jake's already there.

_"Damn, Leah, couldn't you have done that in front of the mirror at least?"_

I growl. _"Jacob Black, would you like your slow painful death now, or after patrol?"_

_"Can you two quit it?" _Sam interrupts. _"You have things to do."_

_"I doubt there are any vampires to bother with, Sam. The Cullens have all left, or so you said." _Jake says, a trace of bitterness still evident in his thoughts.

_"That's beside the point. Our duty is to protect our people. The two of you have had your shifts covered for too long, now. Time to get back to work. I want you to follow the boundary line, see if you can find anything."_

I snort. _"Like _what_, Sam? A lonely little mousey that's lost its way home?"_

Jacob snickers and Sam growls. _"Leah. Enough." _I have no choice but to do as I am told. Stupid Alpha jerk. Thank goodness he fades out.

_"Right, let's get this party started, then." _Jake's wolfy face grins at me before he runs out his front door. _"Last one to the boundary line..."_

_"Hey. This is my race, I'll choose what I want! _I dive out the door after him, overtaking him before he even makes it to the trees

_"Gee, Leah, you even look good from behind as a wolf!"_

This comment leads to the oddest train of thought I have ever had. Do I really look that good, even like this? I guess, seeing as I am the first ever female wolf, probably not, but I wonder, has anyone ever tried doing it like this...

_"Leah! Interesting idea! Want to test it...?"_

_"You could not be that gross, Jake."_

_"You thought it."_

_"The answer is no. A resounding no."_

_"Yet, still, you're wondering..."_

_"Jake, I will seriously leave you here by yourself if you don't shut up."_

_"Sure, sure."_

**Jacob's POV**

I really have missed my wolf form, it's so much more calming than remaining human. Especially after the last couple of months...a stray thought of Leah's interrupts my own. Woah.

Doggy style, literally? Hmm.

I know she would love to slap me. That makes things even more interesting.

What's the most intriguing is the way her thoughts are leading completely towards the one thing...

_"Are you feeling a lack of something, Leah?"_

_"Shut up, Black."_

_"I can scratch that itch for you..."_

_"Only if you make it to the boundary line before I do."_

Damn. She knows I can't out run her. I am surprised though. I thought it was just me.

I stretch my legs anyway, deciding I might as well give it a go.

I am truly shocked when I skid to the end millimeters before she does.

Her mind can't hide her deception, though.

_"That desperate, Leah, that you would throw a race? That's not like you at all. Not to say I'm not ecstatic or anything."_

_"Jake."_

_"Yup."_

_"Let me say something before we phase. Yes, phase, you are _not _taking your prize in animal form."_

_"What, Leah?" _The edge to your voice is one I barely recognize, and certainly not from Leah. It's...a little lost, tinged with hope and worry.

_"I'm..." _I see the last couple of months in her thoughts. The nights, curled beside me, _dreaming_ of me. Not physically, though. Romantically.

_"Leah..."_

_"Don't judge me, Jake. It just happened. It's the last thing I wanted, trust me." _Back to the bitterness I recognize. _"I just...don't start anything you can't finish."_

I gaze into the eyes of the wolf across from me. Is it possible I could actually love Leah? I sift through the past couple of months again, this time with my own thoughts. Leah, who stood by my side, who ripped me out of my melancholy, who sat by my side waiting for her moment...

_"I don't need your gratefulness, Jake."_

Then I thought of the times when I wanted to reach out and just...touch. Her warm body pressed against mine. Was that just physical reaction, 'cause Leah really is that hot?

_"Thanks, but that's not what I'm after either."_

I imagined a life with Leah, the one I had imagined with Bella. Marriage, babies....little dark haired mini versions of us...

_"That's not in my future, Jake. I'm a genetic dead end. You should know that by now."_

Could I...

_"I wouldn't mind giving it a try, Leah."_

_"I don't want trial runs, Jake. I'm not looking for another scene like the one with Sam."_

_"Do you think I want a repeat of Bella? When I say try I don't mean, let's fuck and we'll see. I mean, I want to go for it all. But..."_

_"You're still hurting."_

_"Yeah."_

_"I can deal with that."_

And with that, she rose from a wolf to a gorgeous woman, naked and waiting for me.

I phase too, bridge the single step that separates us, cover her mouth with mine.

She pushes me away. "Promise me." She begs.

"What?"

"That this can be real. Please."

"As real as the tow of us can make it, Leah. After all, it's not just me that's damaged goods."

"Well, I guess that will do. For now."

She tilts her face up and wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me back for a kiss filled with flames, the heated length of her body pressed to mine. My hands slide to her hips, pulling tightly and she moans.

I think this will take the award for my favorite patrol ever.


	22. Chapter 22

**Jacob's POV**

Okay, so I forgot to take one thing into account; Leah has a temper like nothing I've ever seen. She can stomp around, yelling and swearing like nothing else.

Don't get me wrong, the benefits of trying have far outweighed the negatives. In bed…well, let's just say, she's a wolf in more ways than one, and the benefits of our increased stamina are many.

But it's more than just that.

When it's just the two of us, I can see what made Sam fall in love with her in the first place. The bitter, angry Leah disappears, and the real, long lost Leah emerges. Funny, open hearted, warm, kind…the sort of person you could imagine spending the remainder of you life with, happily.

But then, we can't always be alone, and the mask returns.

I guess I can't talk, mine's still there as well.

Especially right now as she arks up again. I stare blankly at the television screen, ahaing to most of what she says.

**Leah's POV**

Freaking males! So bloody lazy! I can't understand why they think it is so hard just to grab a towel, and move it from the bedroom into the laundry hamper. Like, seriously, it's what? A few feet?

I start in on my usual tirade, and also as usual, he ignores me, stuffs his face with chips, and leaves crumbs I'll have to clean up before Mom gets home.

Alright, so it's not really the mess that's bothering me right now.

I collapse into the chair next to Jacob.

"Please don't make this any harder than it has to be."

He turns his face towards me slightly, smiling.

"Aw, c'mon Leah. It's not like they wouldn't know already."

"That's beside the point." I filch the chip he is about to eat right out of his hand and pop it into my own mouth.

"I don't think we should make such a big deal."

I frown. He shifts slightly away from me, in an attempt to escape the brewing storm.

"Jacob Black, are you reneging on our deal?"

"Ah…which one."

I sear to god, I could shoot fire at him right now. "The one where you promised to try."

"Of course not."

"Then what's the big deal?"

"Gee, Leah, it's a bit…" he looks at me sheepishly. "Embarrassing."

"What?"

"You know."

"I have no idea. You'll have to help me understand what drifts through that tiny brain of yours." Okay, slightly uncalled for. But he is ticking me off.

"Man, do you have to make me spell it out?"

"Use small words if you must."

He sighs, irritated. "I don't want to just, you know, walk up to the guys and go, 'hey, we're dating.' Especially Sam."

I laugh. "You're seriously worried about what Sam will think?"

"Well, no…because he kind of knows…they all do, that's the point!"

"Ah, but we should make it an official partnership."

"You like to torture, don't you?"

I grin wickedly. "Oooh, yeah."

I've put my foot too far in it. He turns his torso to face me, and tosses the chip packet to the floor so his hands can grab my hips and shift me closer to him on the sofa. "I think some of my own cruelty is in order…" His lips are on my neck, and I tilt my head back to give him better access. I guess our declaration will have to wait. Pity about my make up.

* * * * *

"Jacob, quit it." I can feel his fingers shifting under my hand. I hate feeling like I am holding onto the hand of a child instead of a lover, but he keeps trying to pull away. As we close in on Sam and Emily's and the noise inside, I can feel his desperate wish to run.

"Chicken." I whisper, smirking.

He hates being called chicken. That one word, and his hand slips from my grasp to move down, his whole arm encircling my waist. A grim expression crosses his face, and he marches me to the door.

"Let's do this." He hisses.

I knock lightly. I can't help the brief grimace when Emily answers, but I cover it quickly with a warm smile. "Emily."

"Leah, Jacob!" Her eyes quickly take in Jacob's arm holding me tightly, and she grins. "Ah, finally."

She turns her back and I roll my eyes before entering with Jake.

"Hey, guys!" She sings out. "Look who finally made it."

I clearly feel the suppressed laughter as everyone turns to look at us. I grit my teeth, and smile broadly, refusing to meet Sam's eye. Seth strolls over, all ridiculously huge six foot something of him, and slaps Jacob on the back. "Gee, buddy, if you had of taken much longer I would have had to call you out, protect my sister and all, you know."

I groan at his pathetic attempt at a joke.

"No worries, Seth." Jacob laughs. "I doubt you would even leave a mark."

"Care to test that theory?" Seth eye glimmer with excitement.

"I don't fight pups." Jake grins.

Paul saunters over, eyeing me speculatively. "Then you and me. Ten bucks says I kick your ass."

"Sorry, Paul." I sniff. "There's no point in fighting over me now, I'm clearly off the market."

"Pity." He says.

Sam intercedes and I am forced to acknowledge his presence. I glance up into his face, expecting the same kind of bitter, angry pain I'm used to. But I have underestimated the time I have spent alone with Jake, and how truly healing he has been When I do catch Sam's eyes, I think he feels the loss more than I do. I fell…strangely indifferent. I quickly look at Jacob, to compare the feeling. When I see Jake…my heart stutters, my breathing quickens…I feel…secure.

Cripes.

I look back at Sam, his eyes on Jacob. For a flash I see the jealousy, just a flash, then the benign expression returns.

"I'm glad you two are finally ready to rejoin the pack properly."

Jacob nods. He tilts his head and kisses my cheek before letting me go and crossing the room to where Embry and Quil are arguing about which football team is best. It's ridiculous, they go for the same on, Quil just loves to egg Embry on.

"So." I realize while I have been watching Jacob walk away, and Embry and Quil bicker, Sam hasn't left my side. "You seem happy, Lee-lee."

"Don't call me Lee-lee." I respond automatically, and he flinches. I soften a little towards him. "That's not me anymore, Sam. That was me with you."

"Alright. You seem happy, Leah."

"I am." I chew my lip thoughtfully. "Who would have known?"

"I'm glad."

"Are you really, Sam?"

"Of course I am, Leah."

"Are you pleased for Jacob and I, or happy to be guilt free?"

A ghost of a smile dances over his features. "A little of both."

I smile in return. "Yeah, me too."

I laugh as Embry pokes Jacob in the chest, Quil doubled over with uncontrollable mirth.

"What if he imprints, Leah?"

I glare. Is shoot daggers.

"How dare you, Sam."

"Leah, I didn't mean…I just…"

"Just nothing. Can't you let me be happy? Are you really that malicious?"

"Sorry, Leah. Forget I said anything." I continued to scowl at Sam's back as he ambled off to Emily, but the damage was done. What if Jacob imprinted?

Maybe Jacob was right, and tonight was a huge mistake.


	23. Chapter 23

**Jacob's POV**

"_Now _what have I done? I did what you wanted, brought us out in the open with the rest of the pack, faced Sam with the whole terrifying ordeal…now I'm in trouble _again_?" I don't get woman, I admit it. Their mood swings baffle me.

"It's not that." Leah hisses, barely glancing in my direction as she clashes the dishes around in the sink.

"Well then what is it?"

"What if…" She goes silent for a minute. Then; "It's fine."

Okay, so I know enough to know fine is not what she means. When she says 'fine' she means, there's something seriously bugging me but I'm going to see if you're paying enough attention to notice. Well, I am, I'm good.

"No, it's not. If you don't tell me, how can I help?"  
"It's…" She rounds on me, her eyes a blend of pain and terror. "What if you imprint?" She whispers.

Oh. Ok. How I could forget, I have no idea.

"What if you do?" I throw back.

"Very funny, Black." She always calls me Black when she is seriously unimpressed. "We all know that will never happen."

"Say it did?"

"It won't." She shoots me a death glare.

"Fine, it won't, and it won't for me either."

"There's no guarantee of that."

"There's no guarantee you won't."

"Argh!" She throws the dishcloth at me, it hits me square in the chest, soaking my shirt.

"Thanks, Leah. Now I'll have to go home and grab another one."

"Forget your stupid shirt, what if you imprint?"

I sigh. There was no getting away from this. "What do you want me to say, Leah?" I ask wearily.

"Promise me you won't." She demands, but she looks sad, she knows promises make no difference.

"How about I promise you something else instead."

She narrows her eyes. "Don't try and get out of this, Jacob."

"I'm not!" I hold my hands up in defense; goodness knows what she would do to me if I answered wrong. "How about…I quit phasing."

**Leah's POV**

I stare at him blankly, his words bouncing around in my mind. "Quit phasing?" I repeat stupidly.

"Yes. Stop becoming a wolf. All the legends show that imprinting only seems to happen while you're phasing…so I'll stop, then you'll never have to worry."

No worrying. A almost fool proof guarantee that he won't leave. Ever. "You would do that? For me?"

He moves away from the dining table, crosses the few short steps to me, crushing me against his already dry shirt.

"Leah, I told you I would try. If trying to stop phasing is what it takes to fulfill my promise, then that's what I'll do." His lips brush my hair.

"Oh, Jake…"

"But you have to too." He leans back, looks into my eyes seriously. "I'm not going to grow old, and watch you remain younger. As much as I would love the sugar Daddy tag."

I snicker. "I guess I can try, too.

"Well, that's what we promised, wasn't it? To try." His lips trace down my face to my lips.

"Mmm." I murmur. "I like trying. I like it a lot."

And Mom and Seth are gone for the night. Bliss.


	24. Chapter 24

**Leah's POV**

It's a lot harder than I thought to stop phasing. First, fighting with Sam, who seems to think it's our responsibility to continue for the sake of our families. Psh, Seth has my place, and besides, the number of wolves has increased anyway. He doesn't need Jacob and me anymore, and what we need is each other with no outside interference.

But it's not just that. It's the loss of freedom that gets to me, and the uncontrolled phasing when I really get upset. It seems so easy for Jacob; he just decided to give up and hasn't phased since. Once or twice he has been upset enough that his skin has shivered, shaking like mad until he gets it under control through sheer force of will. I wish I had that kind of control. I feel guilty that I don't.

In some ways…I don't even want to give it up. The speed has always seemed like the only thing I have had going for me, the ability to out run everyone. It scares me to have nothing about me that is special anymore.

I sigh, and continue with my same bring routine of washing the dishes while I wait for Jacob to arrive. Since Mom caught us, half dressed on the couch; his visiting hours have been seriously curtailed. It's not like I'm 15, I'll be nineteen in a few months, but like most parents my Mom is seriously overprotective, and delusional. I think she really believes if he's only over in the day time, nothing will happen.

Ha.

I continue with the breakfast dishes until a pair of hot hands slide around my hips and warm breath tickles my ear. "Morning, Leah."

I let the bowl I was scrubbing slip from my hands into the soapy water as I lean back sighing. "Morning Jake."

"Is your family gone?"

"Yes." I giggle like a schoolgirl. Jake makes me feel so innocent, and happy, like when I was young, and I used to find even the clouds fascinating.

"Well, then let's…"

"Go for a run?" I snicker.

"I was thinking let's talk. While we have some privacy."

I snort. "Sure you were."

I turn and smile into his sad, puppy dog face. "Alright, what's up?"

"You've been having a hard time of this, haven't you?"

Again and again, his perceptiveness shocks me. Often, I forget he is younger than me. "Yeah." I love that I never have to hide anything with him.

"I want to make it easier on you."

I sigh. "I appreciate that, you know I do. But…"

"It will get easier, Leah. I wish you would stop beating yourself up about it. Last night…well, you had your reasons."

A nice way of saying he was ticking me off, and I flipped again.

"So…I've booked us a night away."

I frown. He's just as broke as I am.

"Jake…"

He rolls his eyes at me, laughing. "Don't panic, Leah. I didn't do anything illegal. I got a job."

My eyes bulge. He will never cease to amaze me. "Doing what?"

He puffs out his bare chest, grinning proudly. Despite the weeks of remaining human, his skin has retained its heat and his muscles…well, still as rock hard as always. It seems sometimes like he's made of stone, the way nothing he does affects his physique. Hot stone.

"You are looking at La Pushes newest mechanic. Got my first customer today. It was either me or Dowling's."

I smile at him. "And how did you go?"

"Fantastic. Got it purring like a kitten. And made enough…" He nuzzles the sensitive spot behind my ear, making me shiver. "To take you out and have you purring in the same way."

I slap his arm, but I can't rid myself of my cheesy grin. As he gazes down at me, his smile changes and his hands move form my hips to cup my face.

"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are, Leah Clearwater?" I shiver again, this time in delight.

**Jacob's POV**

As I stare down at Leah, I feel as though I am seeing her properly for the first time, despite the months we have been together now. Her white teeth gleam against her pink mouth, her dark eyes dance in amusement and pleasure. Her lashes, so long, seem as though they are reaching out, long dark fingers, towards her eyebrows. I can't control my words.

"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are, Leah Clearwater?" It's weird; of course I have always known she was pretty, even when I didn't get her. And since we've been together, I've realized she was attractive, more so than many women or girls I have met, but now, since I have stopped phasing, each day, I see her a bit more. It's like, her face was dulled slightly when I was a wolf, maybe some sort of protection for when you imprint? I have no idea. All I know is now, when I look at her, I see more Leah than I ever realized was even there.

She snuggles into my chest, still smiling up at me. "Thanks."

I press my lips softly to her forehead. "No, thank you Leah. For giving me a chance."

She opens her mouth to argue, probably to say something like I've done the same for her, but I shush her with a finger against her lips. So much has changed, from the night Bella left, to now. I try to imagine what it would be like if I had married Bella, and I can't. It's like…she and I were never intended, like our time together was only to lead me to now, to this.

I know, if I thought she would accept, that I would ask Leah to marry me, to stay with me as we grow old, to have my children. But she won't, not yet. She still doesn't see herself the way I do, she still looks at herself as nothing more than the freaky girlie wolf, the damaged goods.

I see more. More than the beauty, too. I see the soul that was torn to shreds by her losses; Sam, her father, yet somehow still managed to pick herself, to make some pretense of a normal life. To try and protect her brother, to be a part of her pack, always fighting to prove she was every bit as good as the boys. The girl who struggled against herself, her misery, who agreed to stand as bridesmaid for the cousin who was living her life.

The woman who helped me piece myself back together when I thought there was nothing left for me to live for, who gave me all I needed, whether it was gentleness or tough love. The one who made me see how much there was to be gained by living life to the fullest.

I didn't tell her yet that my new business, which was sadly running out of my garage at the moment, was going to be named Blackwater, for her and I.

Instead of telling her all this, I kiss her head again, and joke about what I have planned for the night. The usual; dinner, a movie, a swank hotel. But that wasn't the point of it, not really. I want to make her feel as good as she has made me feel. I want to remind her that there are things in life that are fun, without the need to compete with a bunch of oversized wolves.

I want to bring her to life, the way she has me.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N - okay, this one is short, and a little odd, but something I saw as a huge step to Leah's healing...I hope it's not offense or stupid or anything to anyone, if it is, I apologize in advance.**

**Anyway's stick with it...please? Lol**

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**Jacob's POV**

I wipe the sweat off my forehead, and try and concentrate on the car I am working on. As usual, Leah dominates my thoughts, so much today I can barely concentrate, and this is a big job, the entire engine needs a complete overhaul, but that means my pay this week will increase substantially, too. Sighing, I try to throw myself back into it, but I keep coming back to Leah's particularly snappy mood the past few days. I think this whole not phasing thing is really beginning to grate on her.

I roll myself back under the car and try to forget about anything else.

**Leah's POV**

Oh my god. It can't be. No way. I can't actually believe it. But there it is. I could almost dance I am so happy. Finally, all these days of wanting to rip the roof off the place and I have a reason why, and I couldn't be happier. I sling my purse over my shoulder and bolt out the door, leaving my Mom open mouthed behind me. I can't decide what to do first, tell Jake? Or head to the shop?

Tell Jake.

**Jacob's POV**

I'm finally ready to take a break when Leah spins in like a tornado. I stare at her gobsmacked, her beautiful face is alight with something I have never seen in her before – I could almost call it…happiness? Relief is there, definitely. I raise an eyebrow, half expecting another explosion like the ones I've contended with for the past few days.

"Hey, Leah." How did you guess it was time for lunch?" With the two of us in my small garage, there doesn't seem to be enough room, so I grab her warm hand and pull her along into the house, leaving her at the kitchen table while I rummage through the fridge for something to eat. "What's up?" I mumble, scooping armloads of groceries into my hands, enough to make quite a number of sandwiches.

"You'll never believe it." The excitement in her voice is palpable, she seems like she's about to blow…though…in a good way? I dump the food on the bench, and turn to look at her curiously.

"What?" I ask, warily.

"_I _can't believe it."

"_What_, Leah?" She's starting to worry me now.

"Seems like I'm not the freak I thought I was."

"What did I tell you?" I say slowly. "You are the most stunning _woman_, so far from a freak…" I cross quickly to her, crushing her against me.

"Uh, easy there, fido."

'Huh-hum. Not fido. It's been two months now. Fido is more _your _thing, Miss finished for three weeks."

"Three weeks must be enough!"

Right, now she's really worrying me.

"Enough for what?" I lean back slightly, staring into her eyes, trying to find a clue to what she's talking about in the dancing dark depths.

"It came back!"

"Leah, as much as I would like to be a mind reader, I'm not. _What's_ come back?"

"My monthlies!"

Oh. Ok, for a moment there I thought…oh, damn. Well that makes things different.

"Uh, that's great, I guess."

"You guess? Oh, man, for the first time in forever I get to go to the shop and buy _tampons_!" She spins away from me in her excitement, excitement I can't say I completely understand.

"Ah, wonderful?"

"And condoms!" She yelps, thrilled. "I have to be careful not to get _pregnant_!"

Oh. More joy. Well, at least she's not telling me she's pregnant already. Eek.


End file.
